dolorosa_12: by ginnystar on lj (robin marian)
How was your Sunday, Ronni?

Oh, not too bad, not too bad, I just GOT ENGAGED!

The ring is supposed to look like the Earth as viewed from space )

Matthias and I have been together for many years now, and getting married was always something we intended to do. It was just a matter of finding the right time(frame) to do it. We decided, while on holiday in Australia in December, that the time had come. After that, it was just a matter of determining exactly when to announce our decision. But although this clearly wasn't something that happened spontaneously, I think we'll consider today the official start of our engagement, for anniversary purposes.

I am, as you might imagine, very happy and floaty. Everything feels hopeful and wonderful, and I am very much looking forward to many more years with my fiancé (which still feels weird to say), Matthias, my favourite favourite.
dolorosa_12: (what's left? me)
Birth: Stop wrapping your arm around your neck. You're hurting your mother.

0: Yes, your parents are at present a rock music journalist and a foreign correspondent flitting all over North and South America. Don't worry. They won't expect you to ever be that cool.

1: Don't worry. The vacuum cleaner can't hurt you. Neither can the blender. Neither can the food processor.

2: Don't worry. The cracks in the ceiling and in the tiles of the bath aren't ants. Neither are the black lines painted on the floor of the swimming pool. They can't hurt you. The cicadas make a really loud noise, but they're tiny little insects, not one giant animal 'as big as a bear'. It's not your fault your mother didn't explain that in a way you understood. The cicadas can't hurt you.

Your aunts are going to allow you to walk around them in circles, talking at them. They will draw pictures of the stories you tell them. They will transform the couches on your front patio into two horses that take you on adventures. Your grandfather will build you a bedhead and swim with you in the ocean, and your grandmother will tell you stories. Your other grandfather will build you a bookcase, and your other grandmother will sew clothes for your dolls. You will be surrounded by cousins. This will be more precious to you than gold.

3: Stop being jealous of your newborn sister. She is amazing, and you will love her very much.

4: Don't worry that you hate preschool. There is a boy there who hates it even more, so much that he will spend every lunchtime attempting to climb over the fence and escape. One day he will succeed. Your mothers will bond over their children's reluctance to be at preschool. Years later, his mother will be your mentor in your first 'grown-up' job.

5: Don't worry. You will learn to read. It will happen suddenly, and it will feel like a thunderbolt resounding in your head, and you will be astonished, and it will lead you into a thousand other worlds.

6: 'Just ignore them and they'll stop doing it' is the worst piece of advice you will ever be given.

7: The way they treat you is not okay.

8: The way they treat you is not okay.

9: The way they treat you is not okay.

10: This new friendship group is great, but it will not survive one of its members returning to East Timor. Sorry about that.

11: The way they treat you is not okay.

12: You've cut your hair and pierced your ears and changed your name. That's a good start. These new friends you've made in high school seem pretty great. You might want to hang onto them.

It's okay that you love Hanson. You don't need to be embarrassed.

13: The way she treats you is not okay.

14: The way they treat you is not okay.

15: He's not a mind-reader. Tell him how you feel about him.

16: He's not a mind-reader. Tell (this different) him how you feel about him.

17: You're right. You have found your tribe. Hold on to this feeling. You will feel it again, but not for a very long time.

18: You're right. Leaving Canberra does feel like cutting your heart out. You are going to take six years to get over this, but I promise you that eventually you will feel that same sense of place in Sydney.

19: Your mother is amazing, but you don't need to take all her advice.

20: How you're feeling is not your friends' fault.

21: You are making really good academic choices.

How you're feeling is not your friends' fault.

22: I wish I could say 'don't move back to Canberra', but if you didn't, you'd never meet the sraffies, and you'd never go to Cambridge, so you're going to have to grin and bear it.

23: You have made the best and bravest decision of your life.

Remember what I said about finding your tribe? Yeah, you've found them.

24: What he did to you was not okay.

25: You will never feel such extremes of emotion again.

He saved you, but don't make it mean more than it should.

One day, you will be grateful to him for walking away when you couldn't.

(Late 25 and) 26: Hold onto this one. He is what home feels like.

27: Don't move to Heidelberg.

28: Applying for JRFs is a waste of your time and limited emotional energy.

29: See! You were capable of getting a PhD.

30: I'll get back to you in December.
dolorosa_12: (Default)


I am aware that I am not meant to feel this way about music. I'm not meant to feel this way about anything. Once you stop being a teenager, it's considered somewhat shameful to express enthusiasm and love for something.* It's considered adolescent and self-absorbed to love things because they SPEAK TO YOUR SOUL, IT'S DEEP.

But this song. God, this song. I love it so much. I love it so much it hurts. I love it unrequitedly and without qualification. I love its words and its sound, and what its words mean, and how they mean, and what they mean to me. We are fond, we on the internet, of saying that 'this or that is love'. This song is love. Love is it. It is, literally, what love is to me. Tiësto is speaking to my soul, yeah.

It's adolescent. It isn't even the most amazing song ever, and the lyrics aren't that clever. But it is. It just gives words to something that I can't articulate properly, and for that, I love it and it is beautiful.

Lyrics )

__________________
* I realise I'm preaching to the converted. Most of my LJ friends are fandom people, and what is fandom if not love to the point of obsession, the very definition of enthusiasm?

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dolorosa_12: (Default)
rushes into my heart and my skull

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