a million times a trillion more (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dolorosa_12) wrote2011-10-30 03:11 pm
dolorosa_12) wrote2011-10-30 03:11 pm
Entry tags:
Yet another meme where I talk about myself
I'm back, with a new meme. I think I've seen this in the back of Vanity Fair magazine.
Name?
Ronni
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Five things, all in the same place: 1. M. 2. A house full of books. 3. A high-speed internet connection. 4. A perfect cup of coffee. 5. Wine for later.
What is your greatest fear?
Living alone. This doesn’t necessarily mean being single, simply having no other person in the house where I live. This other person could as easily be a relative, child, friend, housemate as a partner, but I fear being alone above all other things.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
I adore and idolise Eleanor of Aquitaine, Lady Murasaki Shikibu, Marie de France and Christine de Pizan, but I identify much more with the billions of anonymous women whose names were never recorded, whose strength was in endurance, who slipped in sideways and whose power was achieved in a slantwise manner.
Which living person do you most admire?
I can’t narrow this down to one person, but people like Shirin Ebadi are pretty amazing.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
It used to be self-absorption, but right now it’s laziness. This may sound strange, considering that I’m a Cambridge PhD student, have always worked part-time jobs while studying and so on, but all of my activities are motivated by shame and fear rather than an actual desire to do any of them. Sure, there are moments where I really enjoy writing my PhD, and enjoy doing the various part-time jobs I’ve worked at, but if I were to be entirely honest, my ideal state of being would be lying around in the house reading/internetting/watching TV. I work because that lazy aspect of myself terrifies me, because I’m ashamed to waste all the effort and money my family spent getting me to where I am, and, most importantly, ashamed to waste all the effort I spent getting myself to this point in my younger, less lazy days. (In highschool, it was no problem for me to get up at 6am to do Kumon worksheets and an hour of piano practice, be at school 8am-4pm with no lunch break, spend every afternoon at Kumon, gymnastics or piano class and all day Saturday working at my part-time job. I sometimes think I used up the energy of a lifetime in 13 years of primary and secondary schooling.)
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Lack of empathy.
What is your greatest extravagance?
Good-quality food.
What is your favourite journey?
For sheer beauty, the train ride along the north-west of Wales or the road along the west coast of Ireland. But the journey that has imprinted itself in my mind, that appears when I close my eyes and think ‘journey’, that is, to me, the ur-journey is the trip from Sydney to Canberra.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Implacability. Honestly, to me it seems much more like rigidity, and I think that it’s important to live life constantly reexamining your beliefs and feelings and reevaluating them against your new experiences.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Both getting into Cambridge, and becoming myself, truly, while living there.
On what occasion do you lie?
Mostly to protect people’s feelings, although if I lie, it’s usually by omission.
What do you dislike most about your appearance?
A thousand tiny things that I mostly don’t focus on, because I know (with the benefit of age) that everyone else is too preoccupied to notice them.
Which living person do you most despise?
You mean I’ve got to pick just one? That’s too difficult. I guess I’d say anyone in a position of authority who has deliberately used that authority to harm those weaker than themselves. (That covers everyone from politicians whose policies benefit the rich and harm the poor to parents who abuse and terrify their children.)
Who or what is the greatest love of your life?
You know, public displays of affection make me really uncomfortable, but I’m just going to come out here and say it: now, while I have lived nearly 27 years, my boyfriend is the greatest love of my life. He makes me feel braver, stronger, happier and more like myself.
The greatest love of my life that isn’t a person is words, and the fact that I can read them. Being literate has brought me such joy, wisdom and consolation over the years, and I really don’t know how I could’ve existed without it.
When and where were you happiest?
Cambridge, Cambridge, always Cambridge. But I really enjoyed my childhood and parts of my adolescence, too.
Which talent would you most like to have?
To be honest, I’m quietly confident in the talents I already have, and don’t really see the need to add to them. From time to time I wish I could write fiction, but it doesn’t cause me too much grief. I’m of two minds about it: firstly, most of the authors I’ve heard speak about the subject said that from an early age, they were compelled to tell stories, and it was something they couldn’t switch off even if they tried (cf Emily Rodda writing fiction in the late hours of the night while her small children were asleep), in which case I’ll never be an author as this wasn’t and isn’t the case with me. Secondly, the authors who don’t fit this paradigm suddenly woke up and began writing fiction after a full life lived doing other things (cf E. Annie Proulx writing her first novel in her 50s), in which case, it’ll come to me in time.
What is your current state of mind?
Satisfied and contemplative. I’ve been much more at peace since I realised that from time to time, prompted by nothing at all, I would feel awful, and that happiness is not necessarily one’s natural state of being, neutrality is. Once I understood that, I became a lot more at peace with my life.
What is it that you most dislike?
I think I answered this in several questions above, but basically people who lack empathy and people who use their power to do harm to those weaker than themselves.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
To be honest, nothing. I used to wish I were more assertive, but I’ve come to realise that being accommodating doesn’t necessarily make one a doormat or a victim, and that I’m not going to be able to change that short of a complete personality transplant. This has made me slightly more cautious about who I let close to me, though, since my avoidance of conflict and desire to be liked by everyone has got me into trouble in the past.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Realising that someone you love is badly hurt and that there is nothing you can do to help them.
What is your favourite occupation?
I haven’t worked in that many occupations to know which one is my favourite. I really enjoy working in a library, I love being a postgraduate student, and I adored my job in the patisserie in Sydney simply because my boss and coworkers were so awesome.
What is your most marked characteristic?
Physically, I don’t know (to me it’s my overly-large green eyes, but that might not stand out to other people). Personality-wise, I’d say it was either earnestness or the desire to mother everyone, but again things might appear different to other people. What do you think?
What is the quality you most like in a man?
Empathy, kindness and intelligence.
What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Empathy, kindness and intelligence.
What do you most value in your friends?
Empathy, kindness and intelligence (are you sensing a theme here?).
Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Too many to count. Of special significance to me are Una from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sophiamcdougall’s Romanitas series, Pagan Kidrouk from Catherine Jinks’ Pagan’s Chronicles series, Mai from kateelliott’s Crossroads series and Sally Lockhart and Daniel Goldberg from Philip Pullman’s Sally Lockhart books.
Who are your heroes in real life?
My grandparents. My mother. My sister. People who take a stand against oppression knowing they won’t live to see the results, but who do it so that others can live better lives than they do. The same goes for people in positions of power who make decisions against their own self-interest so that future generations will be better off.
How would you like to die?
Um, I don’t really want to! I’m an atheist, so I believe death is the end. I guess I’d like to die knowing that I’ve lived a full life, and that my existence has made other people’s lives better in some way.
What is your motto?
‘People who read are always a little bit like you. You can’t just tell them, you have to tell them why.’ – Catherine Jinks, Pagan’s Crusade
Name?
Ronni
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Five things, all in the same place: 1. M. 2. A house full of books. 3. A high-speed internet connection. 4. A perfect cup of coffee. 5. Wine for later.
What is your greatest fear?
Living alone. This doesn’t necessarily mean being single, simply having no other person in the house where I live. This other person could as easily be a relative, child, friend, housemate as a partner, but I fear being alone above all other things.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
I adore and idolise Eleanor of Aquitaine, Lady Murasaki Shikibu, Marie de France and Christine de Pizan, but I identify much more with the billions of anonymous women whose names were never recorded, whose strength was in endurance, who slipped in sideways and whose power was achieved in a slantwise manner.
Which living person do you most admire?
I can’t narrow this down to one person, but people like Shirin Ebadi are pretty amazing.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
It used to be self-absorption, but right now it’s laziness. This may sound strange, considering that I’m a Cambridge PhD student, have always worked part-time jobs while studying and so on, but all of my activities are motivated by shame and fear rather than an actual desire to do any of them. Sure, there are moments where I really enjoy writing my PhD, and enjoy doing the various part-time jobs I’ve worked at, but if I were to be entirely honest, my ideal state of being would be lying around in the house reading/internetting/watching TV. I work because that lazy aspect of myself terrifies me, because I’m ashamed to waste all the effort and money my family spent getting me to where I am, and, most importantly, ashamed to waste all the effort I spent getting myself to this point in my younger, less lazy days. (In highschool, it was no problem for me to get up at 6am to do Kumon worksheets and an hour of piano practice, be at school 8am-4pm with no lunch break, spend every afternoon at Kumon, gymnastics or piano class and all day Saturday working at my part-time job. I sometimes think I used up the energy of a lifetime in 13 years of primary and secondary schooling.)
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Lack of empathy.
What is your greatest extravagance?
Good-quality food.
What is your favourite journey?
For sheer beauty, the train ride along the north-west of Wales or the road along the west coast of Ireland. But the journey that has imprinted itself in my mind, that appears when I close my eyes and think ‘journey’, that is, to me, the ur-journey is the trip from Sydney to Canberra.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Implacability. Honestly, to me it seems much more like rigidity, and I think that it’s important to live life constantly reexamining your beliefs and feelings and reevaluating them against your new experiences.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Both getting into Cambridge, and becoming myself, truly, while living there.
On what occasion do you lie?
Mostly to protect people’s feelings, although if I lie, it’s usually by omission.
What do you dislike most about your appearance?
A thousand tiny things that I mostly don’t focus on, because I know (with the benefit of age) that everyone else is too preoccupied to notice them.
Which living person do you most despise?
You mean I’ve got to pick just one? That’s too difficult. I guess I’d say anyone in a position of authority who has deliberately used that authority to harm those weaker than themselves. (That covers everyone from politicians whose policies benefit the rich and harm the poor to parents who abuse and terrify their children.)
Who or what is the greatest love of your life?
You know, public displays of affection make me really uncomfortable, but I’m just going to come out here and say it: now, while I have lived nearly 27 years, my boyfriend is the greatest love of my life. He makes me feel braver, stronger, happier and more like myself.
The greatest love of my life that isn’t a person is words, and the fact that I can read them. Being literate has brought me such joy, wisdom and consolation over the years, and I really don’t know how I could’ve existed without it.
When and where were you happiest?
Cambridge, Cambridge, always Cambridge. But I really enjoyed my childhood and parts of my adolescence, too.
Which talent would you most like to have?
To be honest, I’m quietly confident in the talents I already have, and don’t really see the need to add to them. From time to time I wish I could write fiction, but it doesn’t cause me too much grief. I’m of two minds about it: firstly, most of the authors I’ve heard speak about the subject said that from an early age, they were compelled to tell stories, and it was something they couldn’t switch off even if they tried (cf Emily Rodda writing fiction in the late hours of the night while her small children were asleep), in which case I’ll never be an author as this wasn’t and isn’t the case with me. Secondly, the authors who don’t fit this paradigm suddenly woke up and began writing fiction after a full life lived doing other things (cf E. Annie Proulx writing her first novel in her 50s), in which case, it’ll come to me in time.
What is your current state of mind?
Satisfied and contemplative. I’ve been much more at peace since I realised that from time to time, prompted by nothing at all, I would feel awful, and that happiness is not necessarily one’s natural state of being, neutrality is. Once I understood that, I became a lot more at peace with my life.
What is it that you most dislike?
I think I answered this in several questions above, but basically people who lack empathy and people who use their power to do harm to those weaker than themselves.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
To be honest, nothing. I used to wish I were more assertive, but I’ve come to realise that being accommodating doesn’t necessarily make one a doormat or a victim, and that I’m not going to be able to change that short of a complete personality transplant. This has made me slightly more cautious about who I let close to me, though, since my avoidance of conflict and desire to be liked by everyone has got me into trouble in the past.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Realising that someone you love is badly hurt and that there is nothing you can do to help them.
What is your favourite occupation?
I haven’t worked in that many occupations to know which one is my favourite. I really enjoy working in a library, I love being a postgraduate student, and I adored my job in the patisserie in Sydney simply because my boss and coworkers were so awesome.
What is your most marked characteristic?
Physically, I don’t know (to me it’s my overly-large green eyes, but that might not stand out to other people). Personality-wise, I’d say it was either earnestness or the desire to mother everyone, but again things might appear different to other people. What do you think?
What is the quality you most like in a man?
Empathy, kindness and intelligence.
What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Empathy, kindness and intelligence.
What do you most value in your friends?
Empathy, kindness and intelligence (are you sensing a theme here?).
Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Too many to count. Of special significance to me are Una from
sophiamcdougall’s Romanitas series, Pagan Kidrouk from Catherine Jinks’ Pagan’s Chronicles series, Mai from kateelliott’s Crossroads series and Sally Lockhart and Daniel Goldberg from Philip Pullman’s Sally Lockhart books.Who are your heroes in real life?
My grandparents. My mother. My sister. People who take a stand against oppression knowing they won’t live to see the results, but who do it so that others can live better lives than they do. The same goes for people in positions of power who make decisions against their own self-interest so that future generations will be better off.
How would you like to die?
Um, I don’t really want to! I’m an atheist, so I believe death is the end. I guess I’d like to die knowing that I’ve lived a full life, and that my existence has made other people’s lives better in some way.
What is your motto?
‘People who read are always a little bit like you. You can’t just tell them, you have to tell them why.’ – Catherine Jinks, Pagan’s Crusade