Friday open thread: disappearing worries

[dolorosa_12]

Today's Friday open thread prompt is from likeadeuce: what is one thing in life you've learned to let go of or not worry about?



This is a hard question for me, because I am a champion worrier. Almost every scary thing in life prompts me to leap immediately to the worst conclusion, and then have many sleepless nights.

The one thing that I really worked hard on, though, and which is probably a rare success story in terms of me and worrying, is something that I managed to overcome by my late twenties.

As a child and teenager (and in my early twenties as well), I was hyperaware of how I was viewed by other people, and hyperfocused on perceived negative reactions to me by others. In hindsight, I was probably projecting my own perceptions onto other people: I was hyperaware of how I perceived and reacted to other people (and to be honest was probably really judgemental), I was constantly anxious that every little thing about me was being placed under the microscope and judged by other people. I just assumed that everyone else was walking around intensely scrutinising each other (and me specifically), and that every little flaw in me was obviously going to be extremely obvious and important to other people.

By the time my thirties rolled around, I truly no longer cared. I don't mean that I suddenly started being a rude or cruel person, it's just that all the things I used to freak out about (people thinking I dressed badly or looked ugly or talked too much or talked too little or was too emotional or that I seemed out of place in a particular setting) just suddenly seemed really unimportant.

I think this is a fairly common thing to happen to people, though, especially women. We reach our thirties, and suddenly all that anxious hyperawareness and worry about our own likeability falls away. It's incredibly liberating.

What about you?

Comments

[lirazel]

I love hearing about women growing up and just not caring anymore. I'm still working on it, but I'm definitely much better about it than I was when I was younger. A lot of it is just maturity, but also I have slowly come to realize that other people just don't notice and analyze stuff as much as I do. (This is a weird example, but how can you watch an entire movie, get to the end, and not know any of the characters' names? And yet many people don't!)

[bruttimabuoni]

I definitely empathise with your experience - realising that people aren't necessarily paying you as much attention as you think (and, frankly, getting past an age where a certain kind of many automatically does pay attention to young women). It's definitely freeing.

I used to be desperately physically self-conscious, and I have let go of that quite a bit. Thanks to yoga, and changing in cramped quarters, and seeing all kinds of bodies and learning to appreciate some bits of mine (I am super open in the hips hooray!).

I am also an anxious soul, so in some ways my experience has not been about letting go of something specific, but recognising that I'm generically worrying and need to breathe it away a little. There are things which would paralyse me in the past, such as chatting to someone in a shop, which I now can not only do, but enjoy a friendly exchange without investing it with meaning other than (perhaps) being cheered by it.

That said, I cannot let go of things I can't affect, and indeed am not allowed to talk about, but that upset me (Brexit, politics...). So this is very much a WIP.

[falena]

I think this is a fairly common thing to happen to people, though, especially women. We reach our thirties, and suddenly all that anxious hyperawareness and worry about our own likeability falls away. It's incredibly liberating.

You're probably right, or at least that matches my own experience completely.

[dhampyresa]

what is one thing in life you've learned to let go of or not worry about?

Whether the art I make is Good. I do still want to improve, but I used to have meltdowns of "i suck i will never be any good at art ;_;" roughly half/two-thirds of the way into every artwork I made. Seven years ago, I started trying to draw something every day regardless of quality -- at point I was calling them my "daily disaster drawings" in my head -- and while I can't say I've managed to draw every day since, I'm managing about 80% of the time and while I did have an art meltdown about weeks ago, I hadn't had one in over a year by then. Progress! Also I have demonstrably no talent at art -- only lots of practice and stubbornness -- but sometimes these days I am legitimately happy with the work I produce (as in the finished product, not just the act itself) so I guess it worked? idk maybe i am too much of a worrywart to answer this question properly

Also my taste in music. I aggressively Do Not Care about what other people think, unless they want to rec me things.