Downton Abbey, season 3; PhD, year 3

[dolorosa_12]

Can someone please explain why I should feel a shred of outrage that a patronising, paternalistic, privileged, cheating nobleman who was so financially incompetent that he lost all his wife's money on an idiotic investment is being forced to sell the family estate that gives back nothing to the wider community besides providing jobs for the people who serve his family?

Julian Fellowes clearly thinks I should feel that this is a grave, undeserved injustice.

Life goes on in its up and downy manner. Today I edited half of my PhD chapter. This went relatively smoothly, although for some reason, after lunch I felt a wave of anxiety so profound that I ended up sitting on the floor, crying and sort of rocking back and forth.

I managed to get a grip by going out for a long walk in the pouring rain. There are two paths that I could've taken along the route I chose: a bike path that is higher up, paved with asphalt, or a dirt track along the river, muddy and marshy. I chose the river track, despite not having any gumboots. There's something profoundly satisfying about trudging through the mud, being lashed by the wind and rain.

But my point is this: I'm not always in a position to go for a long walk when these waves of anxiety (or depression, or, occasionally, rage) hit. I'm thinking of tracking these things by noting my levels of depression, anxiety and rage every day, but it struck me that these things fluctuate, and I should try to keep track of what is bringing them on. People who have any experience with doing this, do you tend to note your levels of these emotions multiple times in the day, or only once a day?

Comments

[angelofboox.livejournal.com]

Whenever it gets to what you consider bad, I think note it down. Then maybe you can start noticing when/how often? When I am generally overcome with anxiety it tends to happen once in the day (but lasts for different lengths of time, anywhere from 10 mins to 12 hours)... but not every day.

Have you tried Mindfulness? (like on the spot meditation style thing?) I suck at dealing with anxiety most of the time anyway so can't really help :(

[angelofboox.livejournal.com]

Also I don't think it matters what Julian Fellowes wants you to think. I think you can sympathise with Grantham considering he made a huge mistake and faces losing something that's incredibly important to him and his family. Most people have felt like that at some point. Yes, it's his fault, but that probably only makes it hurt more for him, not less - he blames himself. And he knows it's not up to anyone else to save him. I don't think it matters whether or not we think his position/standing/privilege is right or not in order to feel for the character.

[dolorosa-12.livejournal.com]

I guess I would find it easier if I liked Grantham as a character. I feel very sorry for his family, but very little for him. (As I said above to cereswunderkind, in the current circumstances, it just seems in poor taste.) Downton irritates me, and I think that Fellowes said what he wanted to say a lot better in Gosford Park.

[dolorosa-12.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. My anxiety doesn't last as long as twelve hours (that sounds horrific), and seems to come and go more frequently than that.

I haven't tried meditation, although at least four or five people have suggested that I try it. We do it sometimes as part of my yoga class, and I always feel a lot better afterwards, but mostly I find it really difficult. I've never heard of Mindfulness - will Google after this.

Thanks for your advice.