dolorosa_12 | Friday open thread: good habits

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Friday open thread: good habits

It's snowing outside, and I am delighted! I've lived in the northern hemisphere for twelve years, and I still haven't got over my wonder (as an Australian) at frozen stuff falling from the sky!

This week I'm returning to people's prompts for the open thread. Today's prompt comes from

bruttimabuoni, and it is:

What good habits do you have — things that you do because they make you feel good, healthy, positive?

I have quite a few of these, and I'm quite methodical about maintaining such habits consistently. I have a bullet journal with a monthly habit tracker.

The big ones for me are exercise: I aim to do some form of exercise at least three times a week. In normal times this would be swimming, which always leaves me feeling fantastic. Generally I can only sleep well if I have been swimming consistently. Unfortunately, due to the pandemic, I haven't been able to swim that much this year. I went during the summer when I had access to an outdoor pool, but I'm not prepared to risk spending time in an indoor pool or gym changeroom, even though my gym is open, and numbers of COVID cases in Cambridge are relatively low.

So for the most part, during the pandemic, I've been going running instead of swimming. I don't really enjoy it all that much, although I like the feeling afterwards!

The other physical activity I try to do very consistently is yoga. I don't really count it as 'exercise' as most of the sequences I do don't elevate my heart rate, but they do help me to feel calm, supple, and focused. In addition to longer yoga sessions, I have two sequences (one for the wrists/hands, and one for the neck) which I do several times a day to help combat the aches and pains I get from working at a computer.

My other 'good habit' is something I avoid, rather than something I do. I realised several years ago that looking at social media, particularly Twitter, first thing in the morning, always left me feeling angry and miserable. At that point, I decided that I would log each day when instead of going onto Twitter, I read part of a book during the morning. This has done wonders for my mood and my general lack of anxiety.

Over the years, I've gone through long periods of avoiding Twitter entirely. I've drifted back recently, but have made the decision that I'll be avoiding the platform again as of January, except for one brief weekly check in.

What about all of you?

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Exercise every day, with maybe a day off every week - two weeks. I've started switching off the computer at around 10 pm. I write a diary every night (almost).

Oh yes, avoiding looking at screens in the evening is a big one for me too. I try to switch off after dinner, rather than any later, as it really affects my ability to sleep.

I admire people who are able to write (whether that's a diary, fiction, or whatever) every day — such consistency!

It's quite interesting to read back, and find out how much I grumbled about stuff that happened during times I now look back on with fondness! Also, you get to laugh again at jokes your SO made years ago.

The last time I looked at my Facebook was almost four years ago when I was laid off from my first job post grad school. I finally figured out then that it was not good for me and I was better off not engaging that way. Even though it shrunk the circle of people who interact with me significantly, I just can't go back there.

I don't do Twitter or Tumblr (at least not actively), because I suspect I have a mild case of OCD (not enough that it affects my life significantly except making me good at my job, so I never bothered to get formally diagnosed) and it just overwhelms me and I would need to Read All The Posts Ever and no. Luckily I never got sucked into that. I can't do these things casually.

Exercise is a habit I aspire to, but I'm not very good at it, especially now that I'm not sprinting after a train twice a day.

What I find really helps me with my day is my nightly writing (or editing). It makes my brain think about something else, I can have the tv on something mindless for background noise and get busy with textwork. Whether it's fanfic or tinkering with some original work, it cleans up something in my head and I don't feel the day is finished until I got at least some writing done, even if it's just a sentence or if it' going back and working on previous sections. I know something is wrong with me (mentally or I'm getting the flu) when I can't sit down and get something done. I think it serves the same function for my brain that it does for people who sit down and knit.

I really admire people who are able to write so consistently — it's such a good habit! My brain is normally completely fried by the evening (to be honest, any time after lunch is pretty much a write-off for me in terms of my ability to do complex tasks; I'm a morning person and can do anything between about 5am-1pm, and very little afterwards), so I particularly admire people who are able to focus at that time of day.

It's interesting how different people have such different reactions to different social media platforms. Facebook for me has always been a really calm place (especially since I muted the people who were most annoying me, and hid my posts from the friends who were most inclined to argue with me about stuff), whereas Twitter is just this howling void of despair and fury. But I know a lot of people who, like you, find Facebook a real trial. I think it's very important that people are able to assess the effect of different platforms on their mental health, and leave or set up adequate boundaries to retain a sense of equilibrium.

I wish I had the patience to learn how to knit, and how to read knitting or crochet pattern stuff...

It's simply something different to focus on? I don't like working in the evening, and I was never one to burn the midnight oil for any work or study related things, but fiction is different.

Ah but see, you had to mute and filter people. ;) That's something that's already too much effort for me. I think part of my FB annoyance is that my life is pretty patterned in one and the same way and nothing really happens and considering all the things that seem to happen to other people I feels odd to spectate in that through a screen without reciprocating. And I don't bring much fannishness to my real life (and therefore FB), so I'm definitely not talking about that. I'm a child of the early interwebs when you your real name was the biggest secret to keep, so that may be part of it as well.

I think my FB avoidance has also led to things coming to light that I would rather not have found out. I have a friend who I've known since 5th grade and who basically lives on FB, which definitely is her decision and I have no issue with that, and who got married a few years ago. I knew she had plans to do so but hadn't heard about any more and then learned at Christmas that actually she had gotten married and everyone else from that friend group had been there. That means that either I wasn't invited at all (which would sting on one level, but which is a decision people make for all kinds of reasons) or that I got my invitation on FB and no one followed up when I didn't respond which is a different can of worms. I have reason to suspect it's the latter. And to be honest that still stings, but I also don't want to investigate that too closely.

Anyway, it certainly is a decision everyone has to make by themselves according to what makes the most of sense for them. I do admire people who can handle social media as an integral part of their lives and have this balance. It took a bit of trial and error to figure out that that isn't me.

What you're describing about your own Facebook experience sounds absolutely awful! I don't blame you for wanting to leave the entire platform behind — and whatever the situation with the wedding invitations, your friend's behaviour appalls me. Facebook invitations to events are acceptable when the event is something like going out for coffee with friends. Major life events like weddings should definitely not be managed through Facebook!

I think for me I've had to keep social media in a somewhat central place in my life because I'm an immigrant, and I dislike talking on the phone (or any videoconferencing equivalent). So if I wasn't on social media, I would have no idea what was going on in people's lives, or I would have to spend each visit back to my country of origin catching up on two or three years' worth of people's major life events.

Anyway, it certainly is a decision everyone has to make by themselves according to what makes the most of sense for them.

Exactly.

You're very kind. :)

I agree with you that major life events should probably be communicated in different ways, but other people will make different choices. The reasons for which ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I cannot fathom. I mean, was I shocked when everyone started talking about "you were so beautiful at your wedding and I'd never seen you in a dress before" at Christmas dinner? Oh yeah. Did I just smile confusedly and kept my mouth shut? You betcha. While I am a person who tries (and fails) to let things like that roll off my back and find equanimity in the unexpected, I also have to admit that this situation made me pull back from that friend circle. I find it somewhat regretful, but not enough to confront it head on.

What you describe sounds a lot like life after grad school (granted, most of them didn't move 10 timezones away, except the Australians who went back home), as mine is a field where people leave and don't look back (scientific research, wet lab). I've accepted that people will drift out of my life in that way unless both sides make an effort which I am personally bad at (and yes, I hate video conferencing, I have enough of that at work these days), but I also fully understand why you want to preserve ties with back home and in the current situation, it's probably an additional blessing since travelling is not an option.

Getting off Twitter did wonders for my mental health. It was hard to go cold turkey because it did mean losing touch with a few people who were very dedicated to the platform, but it was just filling up my brain with distractions and anxiety.

Interesting that you had to stop doing social media in the morning, because a few years ago I established a habit of checking the news only first thing in the morning, which lets me put it out of my mind for the rest of the day. Mornings are busy enough for me that I don't have time to focus on any bad news I've just read, and by the evening I guess I've already subconsciously processed or accepted it enough that I'm over it. I used to have a terrible habit of checking the news right before I went to bed, which resulted in many sleepless nights!

It was hard to go cold turkey because it did mean losing touch with a few people who were very dedicated to the platform, but it was just filling up my brain with distractions and anxiety.

Yes, this is it for me exactly. I have a handful of friends who I only interact with on Twitter, and I'm reluctant to lose those connections. I tend to go for long periods of time avoiding the platform completely, and drifting back every so often.

The thing with checking social media first in the morning for me is that it sets the tone of the day, so if I wake up, see something that makes me angry or despairing, I find it impossible to focus on anything else for the remainder of the day. (It may be relevant that I am a morning person, also.) I agree with you that checking the news before bed is a terrible idea, though.

Good habits are so hard.

I think mine is that I have gotten good about not skipping my walk around the block, 3 times, daily.

Good habits are definitely hard. I've found it much, much easier to maintain them this year, because I've been working from home since March, and it's just left me with so much more time, and energy (both emotional and physical).

Consistent walks sounds like a great habit! Growing up, my mother's 'cure' for everything was always to go out and have a walk, and I've grudgingly come to admit that she's right. Whenever I feel stressed out or otherwise in a bad mood, getting outside, even for a brief walk, really does a lot to fix things.

Going running (at least) once a week. I've been doing it for months now and am quite proud of myself. I'm still planning to run a family relay marathon eventually, maybe next year :)

Ooh, well done, you! You should definitely be proud of yourself, that's a great habit to have. And yes, having a goal to work towards like a race can do a lot to help you remain committed to maintaining the consistency.

Recycling religiously and walking as much as I can are two habits that help me sleep better at night when I think of the globally-warmed, ecologically-ravaged dumpster of a planet we're leaving our children.

A habit that helps me feel good is waking up half an hour before the rest of the family, even if it means my alarm rings at 6.30. That little window of me time allows me to have breakfast in peace and start the day in a good mood.

Going to the gym first thing after dropping off the kids at school also helped me feel energised and happy, but the pandemic put a stop to that...

Another thing I try to stick to is going to bed (relatively) early, i.e. roughly half an hour after my kids have dropped off. The temptation to finally watch a show or scroll aimlessly social media on my mobile is great, as on weekdays that is the only moment of the day where I can just veg out a bit, but the truth is that getting enough sleep is a major contributing factor to my mental health, so every night I wage war with myself and make myself turn off the light and listen to an audiobook to help me relax and drop off.

A lot of these habits come down to carving out time for yourself, and making sure you feel rested, and those things are so important! I like the idea of waking half an hour early to have that oasis of calm in the morning — I'm an early riser, and love being awake before anyone else is, although I find it much harder in the winter, when things are so cold and dark.

I hope you'll be able to get back to using the gym soon.

I try to get exercise more days than not. Right now, a lot of that exercise is coming from a stationary recumbent bike we bought when COVID kicked in which is not my favourite but it works.

I also eat hardly any sugar or simple carbs and feel enormously better for it once I got over the first two weeks of withdrawal a few years back.

Those sound like fantastic habits. And yes, the pandemic makes exercising so frustrating if your preferred form of exercise isn't a) walking or running outside or b) exercising alone, with or without equipment, in your house. At least you're able to do something, but the recumbent bike sounds less than ideal.

Yes, exercise is a big one for me too - I do count yoga, as I do a fair few dynamic classes. But those and the restorative/yin ones are more importantly about a mental break and refresh. I see yoga as more therapy than anything else, and more effective for me than therapy. Lately I have a walking schedule too, but that is purely a lockdown thing. It's still good to make sure I get outside daily despite everything.

I have pretty regular mealtimes, bedtimes and rising times, which is definitely better than pre-lockdown and something I want to hold onto as much as possible. I used to pinball all over the clock, with predictable issues for insomnia and indigestion.

I do a lot of social media, and Twitter is my sanity line to the outside world. So no, I don't avoid it. But I do mute people and words relentlessly, and that has hugely improved my life.

Oh, and I do daily puzzles and Duolingo. That's for fun, but it's also a positive habit that I enjoy: low key brainwork, and some spatial/verbal stuff I don't do otherwise.

Otherwise, I think I'm rather short of good habits - it's why I was interested! I've found this year's disruption has stopped all kinds of useful stuff, especially that quiet downtime that constant travel/commuting brings, and which I used to fill quite productively.

I see yoga as more therapy than anything else, and more effective for me than therapy.

I totally agree.

You say you don't have a lot of good habits, but you've listed so many — and they seem to cover the entire spectrum of mind, body, spirit, and community/connection, so I think you're doing pretty well.

I could do what you do with Twitter and aggressively mute a lot of things, but I kind of feel that any platform that requires that much work maybe isn't worth the effort. I have tried blocking some of the more irritating people, but all that then happens is I see other people engaging with them in replies or quote-tweets, but with the blocked person's content hidden from me, which feels like it defeats the purpose! (Whereas if I block a person on Facebook, I don't see any of their content, ever, at all.)

From the sound of things you have made a point of setting up (and sticking to) a clear schedule and collection of daily/weekly habits since the start of lockdown, which is certainly the right approach.

I have two sequences (one for the wrists/hands, and one for the neck) which I do several times a day to help combat the aches and pains I get from working at a computer.
Would you mind sharing?

I've recently added "give a compliment" on my daily to-do list. Idk, making other people happy makes me happy and it forces me to focus on at least one good thing a day, you know? I also practice vocab in Korean and Breton daily.

And I draw daily! There's something really nice about making something out of nothing, if that makes sense. Sure, it might not be the greatest art in the world, but it exists now where it didn't before :D

Your daily habits are so lovely — such a varied mix of things that stretch different parts of the brain. I'm also particularly impressed at the combination of Breton and Korean, which are such different languages!

As to the yoga exercises, I have been following the (free) classes by a Youtube-based instructor called

I'm impressed with you! I keep trying to figure out ways to add more exercise in my daily routine but alas :(

Thank you so much for the links!

Seconding interest in the wrist/hand yoga sequences!

I go for a walk almost every morning. My funny brain wakes me up too early so rather than stay in bed and feel bad about not being able to sleep, I started going outside. Granted, it was nicer during summer but the fresh air always feels nice, even if it comes with snow and in the dark.

It's not quite a habit but I downloaded a comment blocker add-on for my browser. I disable it on Dreamwidth, obviously, but everywhere else it hides comments and improves my life. I can see them if I want, but I have to at least acknowledge with a click that yes, I am opening a potential cesspit. (Sometimes there are wholesome and nice comments though, even on Youtube.)

I do not have a Twitter account but I read it, and on various occasions I kill the site for 24 hrs at a time with the SelfControl app. Logged in users have probably blocked the morons in their mentions, but I see them and their bad takes :'D

In terms of the yoga, I have been following the (free) classes by a Youtube-based instructor called

yogawithkassandra for some years now. I don't do every single class she uploads, I tend to browse for the style/part of the body a session focuses on and then pick the class which suits whatever I need at that given time. However, as I said, I do her wrist and neck sequences every day.

The wrist sequence is here and the neck sequence is here.

Your habits sound great! I share your enthusiasm for walking — it's so good for clearing the mind. I think your comment blocker is a marvellous idea. I generally can force myself to ignore comments, but if I don't, it always leaves me feeling miserable.

Thanks for the links, they will be useful!

Everyone else's good habits are so impressive (exercise! staying off social media! yoga!) that my instinctive reaction to this comment was "wow, I don't have any good habits," but I've reflected a little, and that isn't completely true. I do, however, get a baseline level of exercise and outdoor time at work, so my good habits don't really focus on those!

I spend a lot of time in the car commuting to and from work, and I feel guilty about how much that increases my carbon footprint. However, I've made it a habit to do most of my errands as part of my daily commute, which at least minimizes how much I have to drive when I'm not commuting.

I also stopped shopping on Amazon when I moved back to Canada three and a half years ago, and although I know it's virtually impossible to completely avoid a company that owns so much of the infrastructure of the internet, I feel good about bypassing the Amazon goods distribution and labour exploitation behemoth, and about supporting smaller businesses where I can.

Finally, when my best friend from undergrad and I graduated from university in 2006 (!!), we made a pact to phone each other every month, and we've more or less kept it up and stayed friends for the past 14 (!!) years of living in different states and countries. Talking to her never fails to make me feel more grounded and more like myself!

These are all really great habits! I'm particularly impressed at you and your friend, and the fourteen years of monthly phone calls — that's amazing, and shows a real commitment to maintaining the friendship, in spite of the distance.

I should also add that a lot of my 'good' habits have been a lot easier to maintain this year, in the wake of working from home — it's just given me so much more physical and mental energy. I'm dreading going back to working in the office, because it's going to make my quality of life so much poorer.

I also have been putting the effort into exercise as a habit that makes me feel good. Back in the before times I commuted to and from work by bicycle, which was regular exercise without it having to be a planned habit, but now that I work from home I try to go running 2-3 times a week.

The other habit that's made a big difference for me lately is having a set bedtime. I still struggle with insomnia but being in bed by a specific time every night has made it much easier for me to at least approach being well-rested!

Those both sound like very good habits — and I totally agree that having a set bedtime makes a huge difference when dealing with insomnia.

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Friday open thread: good habits

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