Friday open thread: a tourist in your own home town

[dolorosa_12]

I'm not likely to get to your responses to this open thread until Sunday, as my in-laws are visiting for the weekend and I'll be flat out looking after them and showing them around.

This is in fact what sparked today's prompt: do you find it easy to think of touristy things to do for visitors?

(For those of you new to this journal — e.g. the people who subscribed through the recent snowflake_challenge friending meme, these 'Friday open threads' are a semi-weekly feature. I ask a prompting question, and people can chat about it in the comments.)



Depending on how you define 'home town,' mine could be New York, Sydney, Canberra or Cambridge. The town in which I live now is really only my 'home town' insofar as it is the town where my home is, but it's not where I was born, it's not where I spent my childhood, it's not where my family is from, and it's not really somewhere where I had particularly formative moments. In any case, all of my previous 'home towns' have ample things to do to suit various tourist-y tastes — museums, art galleries, historic buildings, nice places to walk, shows and cultural performances, good food, etc etc. That being said, I was starting to run out of things to do with repeat visitors in Cambridge, particularly if they weren't very mobile or keen on walking.

Where I live now has ... a massive cathedral, a tiny art gallery, and a couple of pretty parks along the river. If you like walking or bike riding, there are lots of routes on which to do so — all through flat fields and fens (the landscape here is very much like that of the Netherlands). It's got a handful of nice restaurants, cafes and tearooms, but basically it's the sort of place that a tour group is bused into for the day from London, they're shown around the cathedral and given a scone and a cup of tea, and then taken back to London on the bus at 4 or 5pm. So I really struggle to know what to do with people who have a) seen the cathedral before and b) have limited mobility. The whole thing is, of course, more complicated when you are an immigrant and any visit from relatives will last for longer than a few hours, and things to do need to be found to fill the time.

In general, I find cities easier to see through the eyes of a tourist and find things to do to suit all interests and needs. Small towns (this town's population is just over 20,000, and by my standards that is tiny) are difficult if the visitors in question can't or don't enjoy going for long walks.

Do you get the idea that I'm a little bit stressed about the whole thing?

Comments

[nerakrose]

this is an interesting question - paired with what one consider one's hometown.

I've been an immigrant (emigrant?) since I was 11 ('99) and we moved away from my hometown when I was 9, so for much of my life I've really struggled to consider that town my hometown. I've been back there only once, maybe twice (I can't remember) since we moved away, and while I do still have some cousins there, my dad moved to Reykjavík in the mid to late 00s (I can't remember) so I haven't had a reason to go there in almost 20 years. I often say I grew up there, but I left when I was 9 - how much growing up did I really do in that place?

(could I think of things to do there off the top of my head if I were to visit? yes. I'd go straight to the natural history museum to check out if it has changed at all. it was free entry when I was a kid and I went all the time. I'd go down to Sprangan and probably be freaked out by how much smaller it will look to me as an adult than it did when I was a kid and couldn't scale the cliffs easily by myself because I was a tiny child, and then I would probably injure myself having a go on the rope anyway. I'd go to the 73' volcano eruption exhibition which I have never seen because the archaeological dig wasn't started until years after I left. I'd probably go check out the half-buried house I used to play on as a kid (without permission) to see if it was still there. I'd go check out the Norwegian stave church. it was erected when I was little, I remember the big do about it. while there I'd go out to the tiny light house nearby (not a light house) that helps guide the boats safely into the harbour and check if the tiny beach next to it is still there, and I'd stand by the light and watch the ferry come in or go out and the waves crash against the cement and wash away the beach. maybe I'd go to the lighthouse on the northeast side of the island. I'd go out to the beach on the south peninsula and see if people are still collecting söl and laying out to dry and maybe collect some myself for a snack. maybe I'd go to a motocross event. I'd probably go on a boat tour around Heimaklettur and into the caves there and listen to the guide tell smuggling stories in heavily accented English for the tourists and wonder if the guide will tell x or y story. maybe the guide would even tell stories about the Turkish pirate invasion. I'd probably hike Heimaklettur itself. I'd go to the valley with the artificial lake and be bored because there's nothing there to do when it's not the festival. (I'd probably glare at the golf course and engage in some vandalism against it, as usual, because it's been 26 years since I last vandalised it.) I'd go to Stakkagerði and check if the troll sculpture is still there (and again be shocked at how much smaller it will look to me and maybe be a little sad I'm to big to snuggle in the troll's arms now) and check if the memorial plaque to the Turkish pirate invasion is still there (they weren't actually turks, they were from Algiers and Morocco, and it happened in the early 17th century). I'd go to the library. Maybe the librarians would remember me. There's a museum in the library, I'd go to that. I'd definitely go out to the airport if I didn't come by air to look at the old plane suspended from the ceiling in the terminal, I loved that plane and I hope it's still there.)

I spent 10 years in Copenhagen which is where I've usually had people come visit me, and I never had any problems finding anything to do or see. There are a variety of things for different tastes and while some things repeated (I would always insist on doing a canal tour - it's 1h and costs something like 40kr if you go with the right company, the other company doing the tour charges almost 200kr for the same thing, it's ridiculous. I would also sometimes go on the tour even if nobody was visiting, it's lovely enough and for that price tag it's perfect) there would always be something else exciting to do when the next visitor came. the other place I've lived where people came to visit was Scotland and there was stuff to do there, both in Stirling where I was based and in other easily reachable cities and towns. I didn't have to think very hard to suggest things to do.

I also think that Copenhagen is probably the place I would call my hometown these days. when I talk about going home it's to Copenhagen because my siblings live there. for as long as they live there I will have strong ties to the place. plus I've thought about moving back once my pre-settled visa expires, depending on my career situation when the time comes. the few times I've been back since I moved to the UK I've gone to some of my favourite places and shops and eateries, the same places I would go to when I lived there, and spent the rest of the time with my family. being in Copenhagen does make me feel calm and relaxed in a way that I don't feel many other places, and it is in large part because I know where everything is, I know which bus to take and whether there's a 7-11 round the corner without having to look it up first.

I live in London now and obviously there are about a million and half things one can do here, and I haven't even explored a fraction of them yet. but I also feel with London that it's not my home, and not only because I don't *want* to live here, it's more like... London has for me been a place that I've seen on TV/film and a place I've gone to on city vacations and done touristy stuff. so it's not that it's a 'fake' city, it's that it's difficult for me to think of it as a place where one can live long term and build a life because it's so utterly foreign to me - even though I've been here almost two years! it doesn't gel with me on a level I can't even explain. we are just incompatible. like having different blood types or something. or to try to put it in other words I would never move to New York, for example, not just because it's on another continent but because it's also a huge city that exists in film and TV and I just can't picture myself in it. or like, idk, Sydney. Mumbai. Rome. Paris. Tokyo. it doesn't seem like a real place where one can live. and London is a lot like that, and a big part of it is, yes, it's expensive, and I don't feel like I belong here for many reasons, but it also just a lot of the time feels like it's full of...facades with nothing behind them. it's like my whole body and soul rejects the idea of London being 'home'. what does it feel like to live here for people who were born here and grew up here and have never lived anywhere else?

....sorry about all that text, don't feel obliged to read all of it, or even reply.

[dolorosa_12]

I would love to go to the town where you grew up with you as the tour guide/event planner, that's for sure! What an amazingly varied list of fantastic things to do! I still haven't been to Copenhagen — Denmark is the one Scandinavian/Nordic country I haven't visited and it's high on my list, but I need to find a reason to go there. Now that I know about the canal tour, I'll be sure to include it if I ever made my way there.

What you say about thinking of somewhere at home, and just living somewhere is really interesting, and I agree with your markers of just knowing what public transport to catch and having a really good mental map of the place, especially the locations of all the incidental little things necessary for daily living.

For me 'home' is very firmly rooted in other people. The city I grew up in is quite small (400,000 people or so then, it's bigger now), and it was extremely common to be able to find a connection with someone in every shop or at any social event — someone would be someone else's brother, or the woman behind the counter would have a cousin who went to school with my sister, or I would have competed against some random person's best friend in a gymnastics competition or whatever. It used to be the case until I hit my mid-twenties that if I met a person from that city, I'd be able to find at least a third-degree connection within about five minutes of talking to them. So I grew up with a sense that 'home' meant 'being known' — a kind of network of shared experiences and overlapping social circles. And then I left, and went to Sydney — and then I returned after university for work (but my family had all moved away) and it wasn't home any more, because all my friends who had stayed had stayed for university and had four years' worth of 'being known' that I'd missed out on. It was the most incredibly disorienting feeling.

What you say about London is really interesting, because I always feel very much at home there — apart from the expense, and the fact that the expense means most residents have to live really far away from where they work and commute punishing distances, I would move there in a heartbeat. I think basically after what happened with my old hometown and that sense of rupture and loss, I mistrusted the idea of living somewhere small with that potentially to be known, because I could see how easily it might be taken away, and I felt that I would only feel at home in places so big, and so far away from where I grew up that it would be impossible to ever be known in that way again! I yearn for the busyness and anonymity of huge cities — and yet I keep moving to smaller and smaller places, because that's where life has taken me! I do understand what you're saying about London (and New York, Tokyo etc) — it makes perfect sense, and maybe I'd feel less romantic about big cities if I'd lived in one recently. I was born in New York (but left as a small baby) and I lived in Sydney for a while, and so many people in my family and social circles live in big famous cities like them, so I guess I don't have that particular sense of disconnect, but I really do understand your feelings on the matter.

[nerakrose]

if you do ever make it to Copenhagen, the canal boat company you want is Nettobådene. they have smaller, open boats than the other company, which has large, covered boats. the other company (I forgot their name) has their docking station at the very bottom of Nyhavn so it's the first company you see, and I think many people go there automatically because they don't know there's a second company that does tours. Nettbådene are based on the dark side of Nyhavn (the sunny side is the famous picturesque one) so if you're standing at the bottom, in front of the big anchor and the other canal boat company, you'll want to go right and a little ways down there's the Nettobådene ticket booth and ladder down to the pier. I have loads of tips for Copenhagen so let me know when/if it becomes relevant and I'll give you a list!

I think we must be opposites in this regard! I do completely understand your feelings and where you're coming from. I'm also amused at you calling a 400k city a small city. that city is population wise bigger than all of Iceland, which I think currently sits at about 350k. it's a country of villages. besides the capital region which has Reykjavík the city and several neighbouring towns that have grown massively, I think there's only one other town in the entire country. when I still lived there the population was about 100k in Reykjavík and surrounding towns and 200k countryside, it's now a rough split of 200k greater capital area and 150k countryside. the town I'm from had a population of about 4000 people at the time (it only passed the 5k threshold just before lockdown, which is what the population was before the volcanic eruption in '73 - many people didn't return after the eruption) and we were considered a major village (even though I refer to it as a town - I can only think of two other rural villages with a similarly high population, excluding Akureyri in the north which has about 19k people and so is an actual town and not a village), and also the biggest fishing hub in the country. (in comparison, my mum's hometown, which I usually think of as the place where my grandmother lives even if she passed away almost ten years ago now, has a population number of about 1500 people and is the biggest village in the Eastfjords; it's also where the regional hospital is located).

so in Iceland as a whole, I can do the same exercise you can with Canberra, I'll easily find a connection either through family (not very difficult) or through old friends and classmates (slightly more difficult). and in both my town and my mum's town, if I go there, even if I've been away for decades, people can and will recognise me. I visited my grandmother in 2012 and I couldn't leave the house for running into someone who knew me or who knew my grandmother or mum, and who stopped to strike up a conversation. on a few occasions somebody would stop me and clearly recognise me but not be able to place me and would ask 'and who's your father?' which is the standard way to ask for one's full name to find out the connection, and I'd just reply 'i'm (dad's name)'s daughter, but my mother/grandmother is (their name)' because they wouldn't necessarily know my dad, who's from elsewhere, but they would know my mum's family who are all from there.

I would never move back to my town though, there aren't jobs there for me and I don't want to live somewhere where most of the people my age are people who bullied me severely in school, I don't think I'd be able to look past that to build new connections, so... that's never happening. I *would* move to my grandmother's town if there were any job opportunities there for me. actually about five years back when I was unemployed and had no prospects, I seriously considered it: the local hotel was up for sale and I seriously considered applying for a loan to buy and run it as it wasn't very expensive (at the time, about £300k) and I thought I had enough skills to make it work and turn it into a travel destination as well as a community hub. I made three business plans for three different budgets with three different 3, 5 and 10 year plans. Never went through with it as I would never have been able to get a loan approved. if it comes up as an opportunity again, who knows, I might give it a second thought.

and here's where I think we are opposites: I like being known like that! I don't mind losing the feeling either - I've moved so often and never returned to the previous place that I just see it as an inevitability of life that eventually that feeling of being known *will* go away and I'll find myself in a new place where I'll have to become known/know others all over again. I do find it frustrating but that's mostly because it's a lot of work to build connections and I'm tired, and I want to just stay in one place for as long as possible so I don't have to do it ALL THE TIME. it's why I was in Copenhagen so long, I just didn't want to keep moving and it was as good a place as any to stay, but I also struggled with building connections there because it's a big city and though I kind of knew my local area and the people there, it was like I just couldn't make it stick. I don't know. but I like knowing my community even if I'm not besties with them or even if I don't even know their names, it's just that recognising somebody by sight just because they live where I live is a thing I like in a way I don't know how to explain. the fact that I'm recognisning most of the people at my busstop in the morning, here in Barnet, is genuinely thrilling to me. or the fact that the security guard at the tesco express just up the street now always smiles and greets me when I come in (I suspect this is at least partially because I always bring my basket back to the door where I took it from, it seems all other customers don't bother so leave them piled up by the self check out randomly because there isn't anywhere there to leave the basket, and the security guard usually winds up having to take the baskets back and I'm just... come on, people, it's just rude to leave your basket where you dropped it.) the place I went to high school was a small town of about 15k people and I had a job in the local bakery there for two years, which meant that I knew every single elderly person who lived within walking distance because they all came in early morning on sundays ordering the same thing as always, and that was also genuinely my favourite part of high school. elderly people are the best, they are such gossips, and knowing who it was they were gossiping about because I also knew them through their Sunday routine... it made having been awake since 4am on Sundays tolerable. Even though I knew I'd be leaving the town as soon as I graduated, having that human connection for as long as it lasted was worth a lot to me.

big cities don't tend to have that feature in my experience, and I very very dislike the general anonymity. it's nice sometimes to be anonymous, I like that I can go somewhere by myself and not be bothered and not run into anyone I know, so I can go do things at my own pace. and since cities have all types of folks, nobody ever looks at me sideways for being on my own either or for dressing the way I do, or something else. that's one of few positives I can think of for big cities. but I also often feel invisible in big cities, in a sense that if I were to disappear, nobody would even notice. and that's a feeling that I abhor with every fibre in my body. I don't want to be invisible. I don't want to disappear into a crowd. I don't want to be a nobody on the tube. I want to get on a bus and recognise the busdriver and also the old lady sitting behind him from my shift at the bakery or the teenager at the back because he's my neighbour or his mum is a colleague or whatever, I don't care, I want to have a place and I want to belong.

So yeah, I would be happy in a small place, and if it weren't for the fact my current career makes it very difficult to pull up my stakes and move, I would. I mean, I probably could move to a small town within London commuting distance, but what's the point if I'm spending 2+ hours every day commuting on top of work and so barely spend any time in the community?