Friday open thread: a tourist in your own home town

[dolorosa_12]

I'm not likely to get to your responses to this open thread until Sunday, as my in-laws are visiting for the weekend and I'll be flat out looking after them and showing them around.

This is in fact what sparked today's prompt: do you find it easy to think of touristy things to do for visitors?

(For those of you new to this journal — e.g. the people who subscribed through the recent snowflake_challenge friending meme, these 'Friday open threads' are a semi-weekly feature. I ask a prompting question, and people can chat about it in the comments.)



Depending on how you define 'home town,' mine could be New York, Sydney, Canberra or Cambridge. The town in which I live now is really only my 'home town' insofar as it is the town where my home is, but it's not where I was born, it's not where I spent my childhood, it's not where my family is from, and it's not really somewhere where I had particularly formative moments. In any case, all of my previous 'home towns' have ample things to do to suit various tourist-y tastes — museums, art galleries, historic buildings, nice places to walk, shows and cultural performances, good food, etc etc. That being said, I was starting to run out of things to do with repeat visitors in Cambridge, particularly if they weren't very mobile or keen on walking.

Where I live now has ... a massive cathedral, a tiny art gallery, and a couple of pretty parks along the river. If you like walking or bike riding, there are lots of routes on which to do so — all through flat fields and fens (the landscape here is very much like that of the Netherlands). It's got a handful of nice restaurants, cafes and tearooms, but basically it's the sort of place that a tour group is bused into for the day from London, they're shown around the cathedral and given a scone and a cup of tea, and then taken back to London on the bus at 4 or 5pm. So I really struggle to know what to do with people who have a) seen the cathedral before and b) have limited mobility. The whole thing is, of course, more complicated when you are an immigrant and any visit from relatives will last for longer than a few hours, and things to do need to be found to fill the time.

In general, I find cities easier to see through the eyes of a tourist and find things to do to suit all interests and needs. Small towns (this town's population is just over 20,000, and by my standards that is tiny) are difficult if the visitors in question can't or don't enjoy going for long walks.

Do you get the idea that I'm a little bit stressed about the whole thing?

Comments

[ursula]

When my in-laws are around, I cook and teach them board games. Ticket to Ride has worked pretty well--there's enough randomness to it that the more ruthless family members can't completely dominate.

[dolorosa_12]

Those are such good activities, as long as — as you say — you pick the right kind of board game.

I definitely do a lot of cooking when we visit our in-laws, and when they come to visit us (by choice — I really enjoy cooking).

[yarnofariadne]

The town in which I live now is really only my 'home town' insofar as it is the town where my home is
I resemble this remark. And being another immigrant I'm sure you understand without me needing to explain it, but I don't think I have a home town. The place I was born isn't somewhere I ever felt at home, and while I love it here, everyone sees me as an immigrant first and foremost, so it's hard to feel like this is a place that's part of me. I never felt like I belonged in the place I left, so I came somewhere I thought I'd belong better, and everyone here just sees me as a representative of everything I ran away from.

On the lighter side, though! Touristy things! We have actually quite a good variety of touristy things to do here. Because I am, at heart, a mercreature trying to drag everyone into the sea with me, I'm always suggesting the beach. We have some lovely ruins and a nice lighthouse nearby, and on weekends there's a local market (which tragically we haven't been to since the pandemic began, but in the Before Times it was a staple of showing people around). If you go into town there's a plethora of galleries and museums, and a delightful historic haunted pub that has a very fun gin menu. I've taken a few visitors to the castle but I try to temper expectations because ours is very puny. Fantastic view from the top, though. It's a chain so I do feel a bit shameful for not recommending somewhere more local, but I do love our Botanist; and, in my defence, everyone I've brought has been just as entranced by the interior aesthetics as I am, so at least we're all having a good time overpaying for our fancy cocktails.

Best of luck with your in-laws this weekend! I hope you're able to find suitable things to fill the time.

[dolorosa_12]

And being another immigrant I'm sure you understand without me needing to explain it, but I don't think I have a home town. The place I was born isn't somewhere I ever felt at home, and while I love it here, everyone sees me as an immigrant first and foremost, so it's hard to feel like this is a place that's part of me. I never felt like I belonged in the place I left, so I came somewhere I thought I'd belong better, and everyone here just sees me as a representative of everything I ran away from.

Ooof, I relate to nearly all of this. The city where I was born has never been my hometown, because my parents were immigrants there at the time of my birth, we left when I was two months old and I grew up in my parents' country of origin. I think in total I've been back four times to the city of my birth and culmulatively have spent maybe six week there during those visits, so I am very much a tourist myself when I go there.

The city in which I grew up and the city where my family is from and now (mostly) live are a bit different. There were periods when both were home, but they definitely haven't been that for a long time and I feel very complicated emotions about them. The city and country to which I immigrated felt like home for a long time, but not since 24 June, 2016 (which, ironically, was the day I received my first-ever UK passport).

Home is other people, for me, I guess.

However, on another note, you sound like an absolutely amazing host and it sounds as if you've got hosting visitors in the town in which you live down to a fine art! There's something for everyone, and to be honest I would personally enjoy every single thing you've listed!


Best of luck with your in-laws this weekend! I hope you're able to find suitable things to fill the time.

Thank you. The challenging thing is that they have been coming to this part of the world for years because my husband has lived here for over 20 years (he first moved from Germany to the UK to do his undergrad studies, and has never left), so they've already done most of the big touristy things, and my mother-in-law has very limited mobility but we don't drive and don't own a car. Normally they've driven here themselves but for various reasons they're flying this time, so we can only do stuff that's in very easy walking distance and doesn't require people being on their feet for long.

[meteordust]

Home is other people, for me, I guess.

I just wanted to say how much this resonates with me. I've always lived in the same city, but what makes it my home town is my family and friends being here. If for some reason they all picked up and moved elsewhere, it would start to feel hollow calling it my "home town".

[dolorosa_12]

So true! I've moved so much (I grew up in the one place and lived there for fifteen years, but then I moved a lot in my adult life, and my family left the city where I grew up so there was no good reason to call it home after that), and I've had to rebuild and recreate social circles each time, so I know it is possible to create new groups of people who make a place feel like home — but I also know without that strong set of social bonds, a place will never quite be home, even if I've lived there for years.

[el_staplador]

There's the museum and Oliver Cromwell's house. Depending on the day and the visitors, it's also fun to take people to the market, or turn them loose in the charity shops or Toppings. And I think I'd also consider day trips to Cambridge - maybe Bury St Edmunds or even Norwich, too.

The last time we had people staying in the house, I was still very tired after Covid and mostly had to let them amuse themselves. They went to Aldi and bought an absolute shedload of hot cross buns. So there you go.

[dolorosa_12]

There are two separate issues that are causing all the stress here: my parents-in-law have been coming to this part of the world for more than twenty years, since my husband first moved to the UK to do undergrad at Cambridge then, and he's essentially never left the area, and my mother-in-law has very limited mobility so we can't do anything that requires being on your feet for a long amount of time. Normally my in-laws drive here (and have been able to do the sorts of day trips you're suggesting), but this time they're flying. We don't own a car, so essentially we are limited to the sorts of activities that can be reached on foot but also don't involve too much walking, but also aren't things they've already done ten years ago.

The last time we had people staying in the house, I was still very tired after Covid and mostly had to let them amuse themselves. They went to Aldi and bought an absolute shedload of hot cross buns.

Amazing!

That's a good point about the museum and Oliver Cromwell's house — I'd completely forgotten about them!

[lirazel]

Are your in-laws the kind of people who need to be entertained a lot? When I visit family or close friends, I personally am more than happy to just chill out, eat some good food, and talk. I enjoy spending time with them, even if we're not doing anything in particular. (Not that it isn't great to do activities together! But to me it isn't a requirement.)

But I also know some people who would get very, very bored with that and always want to be going out and doing things.

[dolorosa_12]

The tricky thing is that actually I feel they would prefer just hanging out and talking, but they feel that a visit needs to be A Visit in capital letters with seeing of the sights and a variety of activities. But then this is made more complicated by lack of cars and low mobility, and they get really tired, whereas if we'd just hung around chatting that might have been avoided! It's all so complicated!

[lirazel]

Ah, that is tricky! Family is complicated! Oftentimes in ways it doesn't need to be!

[lirazel]

Aww, I'm sorry you're stressed!

My hometown is mostly known for country music-related things which I know nothing about, nor do I care. Most people go to Nashville to go to bars and get drunk. Which I also don't care about.

For someone who is more like me, I have a handful of places I would take them, but it would definitely be hard for me to come up with a long list of things to do! There probably are a ton of things that I just never think about as a native because my experience of the town is so different than a tourist's.

[author_by_night]

When I was in Nashville, I went to the pantheon and loved that, but I suspect we have more in common than a lot of people who visit. :)

I like country music to a point, though some fans. Um. Yeah. I must be one of the few liberal country music fans. ;) (Although to be fair, some country artists are quite liberal, and folk tends to lean left, in my experience. I'd say that's really what I am anyway, more country-folk than "my wife took my truck and my car and my gun, and I went down the trail singing to my lord.")

[lirazel]

Yeah, the Parthenon is pretty cool! :D

Yeah, it's hard to be progressive and like country. I am more an old-school (Hank Sr, Johnny Cash, Dolly) kind of country fan and I just cannot get into the whole aggressively performatively red state genre that exists nowadays. I do love folk so much though!

[dolorosa_12]

Oh dear, I can see why that would be a bit of a mismatch!

I assume any person you were taking around Nashville would have more compatible interests, so no risk of you having to do a country music tour or get trashed in bars, at least.

There probably are a ton of things that I just never think about as a native because my experience of the town is so different than a tourist's.

This is so true! And once you live somewhere long enough, all those things sort of fade into the background — I stopped noticing all the pretty old buildings in Cambridge after a while, and they just became part of the scenery.

[lirazel]

I assume any person you were taking around Nashville would have more compatible interests, so no risk of you having to do a country music tour or get trashed in bars, at least.

True! I can't imagine I would be friends with one of the people who desperately want to go on one of those paddle bars.

And once you live somewhere long enough, all those things sort of fade into the background — I stopped noticing all the pretty old buildings in Cambridge after a while, and they just became part of the scenery.

I think that's definitely going to happen to me here in Charleston, though it hasn't quite yet!

[nerakrose]

this is an interesting question - paired with what one consider one's hometown.

I've been an immigrant (emigrant?) since I was 11 ('99) and we moved away from my hometown when I was 9, so for much of my life I've really struggled to consider that town my hometown. I've been back there only once, maybe twice (I can't remember) since we moved away, and while I do still have some cousins there, my dad moved to Reykjavík in the mid to late 00s (I can't remember) so I haven't had a reason to go there in almost 20 years. I often say I grew up there, but I left when I was 9 - how much growing up did I really do in that place?

(could I think of things to do there off the top of my head if I were to visit? yes. I'd go straight to the natural history museum to check out if it has changed at all. it was free entry when I was a kid and I went all the time. I'd go down to Sprangan and probably be freaked out by how much smaller it will look to me as an adult than it did when I was a kid and couldn't scale the cliffs easily by myself because I was a tiny child, and then I would probably injure myself having a go on the rope anyway. I'd go to the 73' volcano eruption exhibition which I have never seen because the archaeological dig wasn't started until years after I left. I'd probably go check out the half-buried house I used to play on as a kid (without permission) to see if it was still there. I'd go check out the Norwegian stave church. it was erected when I was little, I remember the big do about it. while there I'd go out to the tiny light house nearby (not a light house) that helps guide the boats safely into the harbour and check if the tiny beach next to it is still there, and I'd stand by the light and watch the ferry come in or go out and the waves crash against the cement and wash away the beach. maybe I'd go to the lighthouse on the northeast side of the island. I'd go out to the beach on the south peninsula and see if people are still collecting söl and laying out to dry and maybe collect some myself for a snack. maybe I'd go to a motocross event. I'd probably go on a boat tour around Heimaklettur and into the caves there and listen to the guide tell smuggling stories in heavily accented English for the tourists and wonder if the guide will tell x or y story. maybe the guide would even tell stories about the Turkish pirate invasion. I'd probably hike Heimaklettur itself. I'd go to the valley with the artificial lake and be bored because there's nothing there to do when it's not the festival. (I'd probably glare at the golf course and engage in some vandalism against it, as usual, because it's been 26 years since I last vandalised it.) I'd go to Stakkagerði and check if the troll sculpture is still there (and again be shocked at how much smaller it will look to me and maybe be a little sad I'm to big to snuggle in the troll's arms now) and check if the memorial plaque to the Turkish pirate invasion is still there (they weren't actually turks, they were from Algiers and Morocco, and it happened in the early 17th century). I'd go to the library. Maybe the librarians would remember me. There's a museum in the library, I'd go to that. I'd definitely go out to the airport if I didn't come by air to look at the old plane suspended from the ceiling in the terminal, I loved that plane and I hope it's still there.)

I spent 10 years in Copenhagen which is where I've usually had people come visit me, and I never had any problems finding anything to do or see. There are a variety of things for different tastes and while some things repeated (I would always insist on doing a canal tour - it's 1h and costs something like 40kr if you go with the right company, the other company doing the tour charges almost 200kr for the same thing, it's ridiculous. I would also sometimes go on the tour even if nobody was visiting, it's lovely enough and for that price tag it's perfect) there would always be something else exciting to do when the next visitor came. the other place I've lived where people came to visit was Scotland and there was stuff to do there, both in Stirling where I was based and in other easily reachable cities and towns. I didn't have to think very hard to suggest things to do.

I also think that Copenhagen is probably the place I would call my hometown these days. when I talk about going home it's to Copenhagen because my siblings live there. for as long as they live there I will have strong ties to the place. plus I've thought about moving back once my pre-settled visa expires, depending on my career situation when the time comes. the few times I've been back since I moved to the UK I've gone to some of my favourite places and shops and eateries, the same places I would go to when I lived there, and spent the rest of the time with my family. being in Copenhagen does make me feel calm and relaxed in a way that I don't feel many other places, and it is in large part because I know where everything is, I know which bus to take and whether there's a 7-11 round the corner without having to look it up first.

I live in London now and obviously there are about a million and half things one can do here, and I haven't even explored a fraction of them yet. but I also feel with London that it's not my home, and not only because I don't *want* to live here, it's more like... London has for me been a place that I've seen on TV/film and a place I've gone to on city vacations and done touristy stuff. so it's not that it's a 'fake' city, it's that it's difficult for me to think of it as a place where one can live long term and build a life because it's so utterly foreign to me - even though I've been here almost two years! it doesn't gel with me on a level I can't even explain. we are just incompatible. like having different blood types or something. or to try to put it in other words I would never move to New York, for example, not just because it's on another continent but because it's also a huge city that exists in film and TV and I just can't picture myself in it. or like, idk, Sydney. Mumbai. Rome. Paris. Tokyo. it doesn't seem like a real place where one can live. and London is a lot like that, and a big part of it is, yes, it's expensive, and I don't feel like I belong here for many reasons, but it also just a lot of the time feels like it's full of...facades with nothing behind them. it's like my whole body and soul rejects the idea of London being 'home'. what does it feel like to live here for people who were born here and grew up here and have never lived anywhere else?

....sorry about all that text, don't feel obliged to read all of it, or even reply.

[dolorosa_12]

I would love to go to the town where you grew up with you as the tour guide/event planner, that's for sure! What an amazingly varied list of fantastic things to do! I still haven't been to Copenhagen — Denmark is the one Scandinavian/Nordic country I haven't visited and it's high on my list, but I need to find a reason to go there. Now that I know about the canal tour, I'll be sure to include it if I ever made my way there.

What you say about thinking of somewhere at home, and just living somewhere is really interesting, and I agree with your markers of just knowing what public transport to catch and having a really good mental map of the place, especially the locations of all the incidental little things necessary for daily living.

For me 'home' is very firmly rooted in other people. The city I grew up in is quite small (400,000 people or so then, it's bigger now), and it was extremely common to be able to find a connection with someone in every shop or at any social event — someone would be someone else's brother, or the woman behind the counter would have a cousin who went to school with my sister, or I would have competed against some random person's best friend in a gymnastics competition or whatever. It used to be the case until I hit my mid-twenties that if I met a person from that city, I'd be able to find at least a third-degree connection within about five minutes of talking to them. So I grew up with a sense that 'home' meant 'being known' — a kind of network of shared experiences and overlapping social circles. And then I left, and went to Sydney — and then I returned after university for work (but my family had all moved away) and it wasn't home any more, because all my friends who had stayed had stayed for university and had four years' worth of 'being known' that I'd missed out on. It was the most incredibly disorienting feeling.

What you say about London is really interesting, because I always feel very much at home there — apart from the expense, and the fact that the expense means most residents have to live really far away from where they work and commute punishing distances, I would move there in a heartbeat. I think basically after what happened with my old hometown and that sense of rupture and loss, I mistrusted the idea of living somewhere small with that potentially to be known, because I could see how easily it might be taken away, and I felt that I would only feel at home in places so big, and so far away from where I grew up that it would be impossible to ever be known in that way again! I yearn for the busyness and anonymity of huge cities — and yet I keep moving to smaller and smaller places, because that's where life has taken me! I do understand what you're saying about London (and New York, Tokyo etc) — it makes perfect sense, and maybe I'd feel less romantic about big cities if I'd lived in one recently. I was born in New York (but left as a small baby) and I lived in Sydney for a while, and so many people in my family and social circles live in big famous cities like them, so I guess I don't have that particular sense of disconnect, but I really do understand your feelings on the matter.

[nerakrose]

if you do ever make it to Copenhagen, the canal boat company you want is Nettobådene. they have smaller, open boats than the other company, which has large, covered boats. the other company (I forgot their name) has their docking station at the very bottom of Nyhavn so it's the first company you see, and I think many people go there automatically because they don't know there's a second company that does tours. Nettbådene are based on the dark side of Nyhavn (the sunny side is the famous picturesque one) so if you're standing at the bottom, in front of the big anchor and the other canal boat company, you'll want to go right and a little ways down there's the Nettobådene ticket booth and ladder down to the pier. I have loads of tips for Copenhagen so let me know when/if it becomes relevant and I'll give you a list!

I think we must be opposites in this regard! I do completely understand your feelings and where you're coming from. I'm also amused at you calling a 400k city a small city. that city is population wise bigger than all of Iceland, which I think currently sits at about 350k. it's a country of villages. besides the capital region which has Reykjavík the city and several neighbouring towns that have grown massively, I think there's only one other town in the entire country. when I still lived there the population was about 100k in Reykjavík and surrounding towns and 200k countryside, it's now a rough split of 200k greater capital area and 150k countryside. the town I'm from had a population of about 4000 people at the time (it only passed the 5k threshold just before lockdown, which is what the population was before the volcanic eruption in '73 - many people didn't return after the eruption) and we were considered a major village (even though I refer to it as a town - I can only think of two other rural villages with a similarly high population, excluding Akureyri in the north which has about 19k people and so is an actual town and not a village), and also the biggest fishing hub in the country. (in comparison, my mum's hometown, which I usually think of as the place where my grandmother lives even if she passed away almost ten years ago now, has a population number of about 1500 people and is the biggest village in the Eastfjords; it's also where the regional hospital is located).

so in Iceland as a whole, I can do the same exercise you can with Canberra, I'll easily find a connection either through family (not very difficult) or through old friends and classmates (slightly more difficult). and in both my town and my mum's town, if I go there, even if I've been away for decades, people can and will recognise me. I visited my grandmother in 2012 and I couldn't leave the house for running into someone who knew me or who knew my grandmother or mum, and who stopped to strike up a conversation. on a few occasions somebody would stop me and clearly recognise me but not be able to place me and would ask 'and who's your father?' which is the standard way to ask for one's full name to find out the connection, and I'd just reply 'i'm (dad's name)'s daughter, but my mother/grandmother is (their name)' because they wouldn't necessarily know my dad, who's from elsewhere, but they would know my mum's family who are all from there.

I would never move back to my town though, there aren't jobs there for me and I don't want to live somewhere where most of the people my age are people who bullied me severely in school, I don't think I'd be able to look past that to build new connections, so... that's never happening. I *would* move to my grandmother's town if there were any job opportunities there for me. actually about five years back when I was unemployed and had no prospects, I seriously considered it: the local hotel was up for sale and I seriously considered applying for a loan to buy and run it as it wasn't very expensive (at the time, about £300k) and I thought I had enough skills to make it work and turn it into a travel destination as well as a community hub. I made three business plans for three different budgets with three different 3, 5 and 10 year plans. Never went through with it as I would never have been able to get a loan approved. if it comes up as an opportunity again, who knows, I might give it a second thought.

and here's where I think we are opposites: I like being known like that! I don't mind losing the feeling either - I've moved so often and never returned to the previous place that I just see it as an inevitability of life that eventually that feeling of being known *will* go away and I'll find myself in a new place where I'll have to become known/know others all over again. I do find it frustrating but that's mostly because it's a lot of work to build connections and I'm tired, and I want to just stay in one place for as long as possible so I don't have to do it ALL THE TIME. it's why I was in Copenhagen so long, I just didn't want to keep moving and it was as good a place as any to stay, but I also struggled with building connections there because it's a big city and though I kind of knew my local area and the people there, it was like I just couldn't make it stick. I don't know. but I like knowing my community even if I'm not besties with them or even if I don't even know their names, it's just that recognising somebody by sight just because they live where I live is a thing I like in a way I don't know how to explain. the fact that I'm recognisning most of the people at my busstop in the morning, here in Barnet, is genuinely thrilling to me. or the fact that the security guard at the tesco express just up the street now always smiles and greets me when I come in (I suspect this is at least partially because I always bring my basket back to the door where I took it from, it seems all other customers don't bother so leave them piled up by the self check out randomly because there isn't anywhere there to leave the basket, and the security guard usually winds up having to take the baskets back and I'm just... come on, people, it's just rude to leave your basket where you dropped it.) the place I went to high school was a small town of about 15k people and I had a job in the local bakery there for two years, which meant that I knew every single elderly person who lived within walking distance because they all came in early morning on sundays ordering the same thing as always, and that was also genuinely my favourite part of high school. elderly people are the best, they are such gossips, and knowing who it was they were gossiping about because I also knew them through their Sunday routine... it made having been awake since 4am on Sundays tolerable. Even though I knew I'd be leaving the town as soon as I graduated, having that human connection for as long as it lasted was worth a lot to me.

big cities don't tend to have that feature in my experience, and I very very dislike the general anonymity. it's nice sometimes to be anonymous, I like that I can go somewhere by myself and not be bothered and not run into anyone I know, so I can go do things at my own pace. and since cities have all types of folks, nobody ever looks at me sideways for being on my own either or for dressing the way I do, or something else. that's one of few positives I can think of for big cities. but I also often feel invisible in big cities, in a sense that if I were to disappear, nobody would even notice. and that's a feeling that I abhor with every fibre in my body. I don't want to be invisible. I don't want to disappear into a crowd. I don't want to be a nobody on the tube. I want to get on a bus and recognise the busdriver and also the old lady sitting behind him from my shift at the bakery or the teenager at the back because he's my neighbour or his mum is a colleague or whatever, I don't care, I want to have a place and I want to belong.

So yeah, I would be happy in a small place, and if it weren't for the fact my current career makes it very difficult to pull up my stakes and move, I would. I mean, I probably could move to a small town within London commuting distance, but what's the point if I'm spending 2+ hours every day commuting on top of work and so barely spend any time in the community?

[forestofglory]

I'm not as good at this as I think I should be! I live in place with many many things to do, but my default seems to be go somewhere and wander around for a bit. But then when I'm visiting people I mostly just want to see those people and experience a bit of what their day to day life is like. I like to go shopping and cook together. So hopefully my guests don't mind my lack of planning too much.

(when I was in Cambridge my default thing to do with guests was to walk to Grantchester for cream tea)

[dolorosa_12]

'Go somewhere and wander around for a bit' is my ideal touristy scenario to be honest! Whenever my mum visits we just spend the entire time walking and talking.

I always loved taking guests to Grantchester for cream tea. When I used to live there my in-laws would visit with a car, so we could drive to the Orchard tea rooms without any mobility issues, and they always enjoyed it a lot.

[svgurl]

There is a difference between 'home town' and place where you live and place you were born. I was born in one place and lived in a few different ones until I reached what I consider my home town since that is where I really grew up and spent the most time and where I still live. However, it is definitely the suburbs so there is very little to do that is actually the city, but they would know that coming in. Depending on what they want to do, most people need to go to a bigger city (San Francisco, about 40 mins away) or go to the beach. The public transportation isn't all that reliable though so you do need a car. If people aren't aware of how big California is, they will be a little surprised that San Francisco and Los Angeles are not right next to each other though lol

Good luck with the in laws! Are they the kind of people who need to be kept busy or are they more chill? I don't know how the weather is right now but maybe a picnic at the park? I feel like if you visit a place multiple times, you can't expect to be wow'd with something brand new after a while, especially if there are restrictions.

[dolorosa_12]

There definitely is a strong difference between 'home town' and 'place where you were born' (unless they are the same, I guess). I sort of think of the city where I grew up, and the city where my maternal family grew up (and where my mother, sister and all my maternal relatives live) as both being my home town, but at the same time they're not — I left one when I was eighteen, returned when I was 22 and found that it wasn't my home any more. The other, I lived in for a year when I was three, four years between the ages of eighteen and 22, and then nine months when I was 23 — and then I left the country and built a home in a new one. For me, home is an age, not a place, and home is other people.

I can well imagine that visitors to California, especially from Europe or Asia where everything is so much closer together, would struggle to have an accurate sense of distance. And yeah, that whole area is out of reach for me because I can't drive — I can only travel to places with decent public transport or that are entirely walkable.

Are they the kind of people who need to be kept busy or are they more chill? I don't know how the weather is right now but maybe a picnic at the park? I feel like if you visit a place multiple times, you can't expect to be wow'd with something brand new after a while, especially if there are restrictions.

The thing is, I think everyone would have been happy just hanging out and chatting, but they're the sort of people who always feel a visit must be A Visit in capital letters with lots of activities. We ended up doing a bunch of stuff that satisfied everyone, but I also think it left everyone very tired, and I myself was just completely stressed out the entire time.

[tellshannon815]

The running joke in my home town is that, if asked something like "If someone's come to Hereford for the first time, what would you recommend they do?" the answer is usually along the lines of "Turn round and run!" That's probably a fair assessment; the times I've had family here it's usually involved going off somewhere out of town for the day.

[dolorosa_12]

Hahaha, oh dear! I guess at least you're well placed for interesting day trips elsewhere.

[corvidology]

As you say, it depends!

Cities aren't necessarily a better resource when there's nothing particularly special about them. I mean, send me home to London and/or the Cotswolds and I'll keep your tourists coming back for new experiences.

Where I live now? Erm... how much do you like shopping malls and rivers?

[dolorosa_12]

You’re totally right that it depends on the place, and there are boring cities and cute tiny towns with plenty of things to do. I think it also really depends on the transport you have available, and whether the visitors enjoy doing a lot of walking.

[bethctg]

I live just outside of a college town (Ithaca, NY), and there are lots of unique shops, cafes, and restaurants (including the famous Moosewood vegetarian restaurant) to share with visitors. We also have plenty of museums, live music venues, and theatres. My only problem with entertaining visitors is that one of the main draws of this region is its waterfalls, gorges, and parks... and I am so *very* not outdoors-y (ironic icon is ironic). My poor hiker friend was so disappointed that I wouldn't go camping with her! ;)

[dolorosa_12]

That sounds like a nice place to live with lots of interesting things to do, although I can see that it would be a problem if a visitor's interests were more inclined to outdoorsy hiking-type stuff!

[chestnut_pod]

I think, perhaps like you, I tend to come up with a small handful of stalwarts and then repeat them for new visitors. But, when I have a long-term guest, I try to remember that they're also here to see me, so going to a nice cafe and then just chatting is probably serving the same purpose as any number of nice museums.

Also, cooking. I feel like one can never go wrong by just feeding people.

[dolorosa_12]

Yes, that’s exactly it. I have a bunch of staples, and after those are exhausted I tend to be at a bit of a loss, at least in smaller towns like this.

When my mother visits, she’s pretty independent, and her favourite thing to do is just go for long walks, talking, so that’s what we do.

Also cooking. Feeding people is how I show love!

[merit]

The biggest place I lived in before university had a population of 5K, so. There were two places to drink (in Australia!!) and one was the bowls club. However, it is adjacent to a very popular regional centre so technically there is a lot more to do there now compared to when I was growing up there. Before that, there weren't really 'towns' per se, so hard to have one ^^

I didn't realise Cambridge was so small! best wishes finding some places or things to do.

[dolorosa_12]

Cambridge is bigger than that, but I don’t live there anymore — we moved to Ely, a commuter town 20 minutes away on the train, where a lot of Cambridge employees live because they can’t afford Cambridge house prices.

5000 people really is tiny, and I’m laughing at the two pubs, one of them a bowls club. That is peak regional Australia!

[merit]

Ahhh true. That, unfortunately, makes sense for a lot of workers these days. Not that it seems to make much difference on salary increases.

And it was bigger than the place that had four shops (general store, mechanic, doctors, and a rotating 4th option).

[justanorthernlight]

I live in my state's capital, so while there are some touristy things to see here (the capital building itself, pretty overlooks of the lake) and the kinds of things/events most cities have (farmers markets, occasional art fairs), I wouldn't consider my city itself to be a tourist destination. I might suggest some of the more interesting attractions within an hour or two's drive of my city (I live in the US midwest, so distance is relative), but generally if someone is visiting me it isn't for tourism reasons.

I used to live in a tiny town (population 2,000 at the time) about 30 minutes from my current city, and we had a famous brewery and a bunch of painted cow statues around town that the tourism board turned into a scavenger hunt challenge.

[dolorosa_12]

If the purpose of the visit is just to hang out, then as you say it doesn't really matter where someone lives, as long as you're able to get there.

I love the idea of the cow statue scavenger hunt!

[gingicat]

I live in the metro Boston area, so somewhat spoiled for choice. But in the little city where I am, there are some nice restaurants, a theater that does everything from Trevor Noah to movies for children (not at the same time), and a whole lot of walks with historical plaques. Tall ships used to be built here along a canal and then floated down the Mystic River to Boston Harbor. There's also a plaque for "Jingle Bells was written here" and another for the grandmother's house mentioned in the song.

[dolorosa_12]

Oh wow, you really do have a lot going on — there’s something to suit everyone!

[thawrecka]

I live in Melbourne, so I could very easily think of things for visitors to do. I've not had call to show any around, much as I've tried to convince friends from overseas to visit 😀 but there's so many museums and galleries and a lot of great food. I already go to all of those. If they like long garden walks there's a few nice places for those in the city, too.

When I was a kid in Kalgoorlie, any family from elsewhere would mostly go on long walks with us, but there was always a small museum and the public library, which can be a surprisingly fun tourist thing to do.

[dolorosa_12]

Melbourne is such a great place to visit — there's so much going on, it's very walkable, and the food is absolutely fantastic. I haven't been back for a while because my dad, stepmother and my three youngest sisters moved out to Macedon so the last time I visited Australia all I saw of Melbourne was the airport! My oldest sister moved there for work literally a few months after my last visit and has now moved back to Sydney for work, so her entire time in Melbourne happened between two of my return trips. I am hoping to go there for the day from Macedon the next time I'm in Australia, though, but it will depend on trains etc.

I really love small town museums and public libraries, so I totally get what you're saying about Kalgoorlie!