Call me when you need me

[dolorosa_12]

I have had many fantastic friendships over the years, but this one has been one of the most meaningful, important and richest in my life. I am very worried about this friend, and there is very little I can do for them.

This song is exactly that friendship.

Comments

[catpuccino.livejournal.com]

Heh, interesting that we were both posting about a friendship at the same time!

[dolorosa-12.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've just read your post. My situation is much less complicated than yours. It's more that, after so many years, you build up a lot of history with people. A lot of things for which you're grateful. This particular friend helped me get through one of the worst moments in my life. The weight of that history is important. There are some people I would go into battle for - and this person is one of them. I cannot, will not give up on them. Not when their friendship changed me so much.

I really sympathise with you because what you're doing and going through is not easy. I'm heading over to comment on your blog now.

[catpuccino.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I have a friend like that (not the one from my blog post and also not on LJ). Even though I think our lives have moved apart from each other to a large degree and we just don't have as many things to talk about anymore (and you know, the less you see each other, the less there is to say), the memory of how much support this person provided when I really needed it makes me keep trying. Not that this friend is going through anything (which I suspect your friend is/might be?). And there's nothing toxic about this particular friendship, it's just that we've drifted apart.

I started writing some thoughts about what this reminded me of with my other friendship but will put it in comments on my blog as that post is locked (and this one is not!).

[catpuccino.livejournal.com]

Also I think it's really great that you want to keep going with this friendship and help them out. I'm all about going with how you feel in a particular situation (with some thought behind it, just because I tend to rush into things occasionally and regret later) and every friendships and relationship that you have is really different.

I hope that your friend is OK (although it sounds like they are not), and I hope that they can work through whatever it is.

[dolorosa-12.livejournal.com]

I have a tendency to mother everyone, and it's both a blessing and a curse. It's really quite upsetting when you seem to see people's problems (and how they could fix them) more clearly than they can. (Of course, I'm sure the same could be said for me.) One of the things I've struggled with over the years is learning to accept that there are things I can't change, and that I can only help people to a certain extent. They have to do the rest of the helping themselves. It's not my job to fix their lives, but it is my job to be there in whatever way they want and need, if I feel that that is something I want to do (as I do in this case).

[catpuccino.livejournal.com]

Yes I know that feeling. Of wanting to help, even though you can't. I think it's why I'm sometimes drawn to friends and people who have too much drama (until I'm so drained I just cannot do it anymore) and also why I feel a need to be really connected to my work.

As much as some people rubbish Myers Briggs, I think it does do a good job of grouping people. Like when I talk/write to you or other INFP/ENFP (because I can be an E at certain times) I just feel that you get it a bit more. There's just more of those light bulb moments of "yes me too!" It's a nice feeling.

[dolorosa-12.livejournal.com]

I've drifted apart from a lot of people over the years - moving country will do that to friendships. There are some people with whom I can just pick things up from where we left off, and some with whom the friendship is diminished. I don't really mind what my friendships turn into, as I kind of feel that friendships change and grow with you, and that you shouldn't try and force them. Then again, I've rarely wanted to continue in friendships when it's clear that they're not working.

The situation I'm writing about is entirely different.

[catpuccino.livejournal.com]

Yes there's nothing like proximity for friendship right!

This situation does sort of sound like your friend is going through a lot right now.