Beyond Selidor

The big news this week is that my application for British citizenship was approved. This has been a long time coming, and the application itself was very stressful, so it is, as you can imagine, a great relief to me to finally be free of the endless cycle of expensive, complicated visa applications. I still have to go to a ceremony before I'm actually a proper citizen, so right now I'm in a strange halfway position of knowing I've been approved, but not actually having the document in my hand to prove it. The next step will be applying for a British passport, but I'm hoping that will be a bit more straightforward.

I've had a rather full on weekend, in which I socialised a lot, but failed to make any headway in writing my assignments for the two fic exchanges in which I'm participating. Oh well, I suppose there's still time for both.

On Saturday I went down to London for a library workshop. Unlike most library events I attend (which always end up being very Cambridge librarian-heavy affairs), I didn't know a single person there, which was a little bit stressful, but everyone was really kind, and the panels were interesting, giving me lots of ideas for stuff I might be able to implement in my own library. It was really great to see that so many intelligent, empathetic and forward-thinking people were working in so many different libraries, and gave me a lot of hope for the future.

I followed this up with dinner with catpuccino, who's currently based in London, and it was great to catch up with her. We've known each other since we were twelve, and there really is nothing like friends who knew you in that time of your life, and continued in that friendship through adolescence, undergrad, and the rocky years of your early twenties, into the older and comparatively wiser, calmer years of your thirties. It's a more comfortable kind of friendship, because they know your context, if that makes sense.

Today I've been rushing all over Cambridge — I've just got back from my second trip out of the house, and will be going out a third time this evening for drinks with old college* friends of Matthias'. This afternoon I met up with naye and doctorskuld for coffee, which was lovely. I was fortunate enough to also be able to meet their cats!

Right now I'm trying to catch a breath before I'm launched into yet another busy week. Last week was really teaching-heavy (on Tuesday I ended up with six hours of teaching out of an eight-and-a-half-hour day), but I'm hoping things will be slightly calmer next week.

How were your Sundays?

_________
*'College' in Cambridge (and Oxford, and Durham, and possibly several other old UK universities), refers to the places within the university in which students and academics live, eat (if they so choose), and through which most undergrads receive their teaching. Rather than applying to study at the university, you apply to a particular college to study a particular subject, and the college itself, as well as the university as a whole, accepts or rejects your application. I hope that makes sense.

M [to me, after I'd had yet another freak-out about the fact that my student visa will run out in early 2014]: Right! Let's get married! Tomorrow!
Me: I don't think it works that way.

~

My sister Nell: Where are all the heroes? There are no heroes anymore. They're in the seaweed. Or dead.

(Sounds like she's nearly ready to start studying Old English elegies. Scroll down to 92a.)

~

[There was a conference in our department last weekend. One of the speakers, L, is a friend of mine and was staying with us. Dr Thunderous Laughter had invited her to have brunch yesterday morning.]

Me [hearing the door slam]: Was that L going just now?
M [getting up to check out the window, stops what he's doing]
Both of us [hearing a loud voice outside]: Well, no need to get up now.
M: It's kind of disturbing to hear Dr Thunderous Laughter outside our front door on a Sunday morning.

~

G [a friend of mine, and one of the speakers at the conference]: This isn't a complete translation. That ellipsis represents when my head hit the keyboard.

I am so grateful.

I am grateful to Alex, for the music.

I am grateful to thelxiepia, for telling me to go for a walk to improve my mood and getting me the hell out of the house.

I am grateful to M, who, upon hearing of said walk, responded, 'you should take some music, because that always makes you happier'. It does indeed. Pretending it's the soundtrack to running away from zombies makes me happy, for some inexplicable reason.

And then this song came on. Honestly, there was no way I was going to feel sad when this was playing. This is the song that reminds me I can be strong, I can be brave, I can be happy and beautiful and feel wonder.

Sometimes I just need some tough love. True friends are not enablers, and I'm incredibly grateful to have them.

Not having internet at home (beyond the unreliable wifi the neighbours are kindly letting us use) is making me feel very awful. I think I'm going to have to be stricter with myself about stuff in order to avoid getting into such a state again. Thus:

No internet at home. I will be in the internet cafe in the evenings, but I'm not allowed to use it at home at all. (So no forums, sporadic blogging, no chat. For the sake of my sanity.)

Get up at 6 every morning and just run. No excuses. Doesn't matter how cold and dark it is, that's the rule.

Thesis. Every day.

Looking at my tags, I am all about the literary allusions to dispossession. One of these days I'll have to write something about that.

Via verschreibsel.

If there is one person or more on your friends list who makes your world a better place just because they exist and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.

This post has been building in me for a long, long time. To a certain extent, it's tilting at straw men, as you may conclude when you've read it, but it's something I really need to say.

It was The Social Network that tipped me over the edge, much to my mortification. Or, not so much The Social Network but the promotional material associated with it.

( I've got something inside my head and it's got to come out )

The internet is neither a force for good or a tool of evil. It just is. It is no better, and no worse than the ideals, desires and needs of the people and communities who use it. But my friendships with the sraffies, the Obernetters and the other people I know online have enriched my life in so many ways. I'm tired of being told that we are creating false personae. I'm tired of being told that our friendships are somehow lesser, or less meaningful, or less real, than those forged entirely in the 'real world'. My 'real world' includes the internet and the people on it.

I've mentioned before my love of fandomsecrets, but this week, my favourite LJ comm has been leaving me feeling especially warm and fuzzy. Last night, one of my secrets, which I thought would've provoked a riot among ~insert name of fandom known for its batshittery here~ fans, and instead I got welcoming comments and offers of fic recommendations! Then there was the anon meme, which was just FUN.

But, most importantly, there was a friending meme a couple of days ago, and I met some great people through it. It's been fantastic to get to know you over the past couple of days, and I've loved talking to you. So, welcome to my journal, and I can't wait to talk to you all some more!

One of my new friends has put up a fandom-related meme as a way of getting to know new friends, but I thought I'd simply offer my new friends the opportunity to ask me any questions they feel like asking (my other friends are free to do the same). One thing you'll quickly learn from reading my journal is that I'm not very shy, and am pretty comfortable talking about anything here, so step forward and ask whatever you want!

...I am TERRIFIED. When Mimi left for work today, I felt sick with misery that I won't be there when she gets home. Right now I just feel numb, the result of feeling every emotion, from delirious joy to heart-stopping terror, all at once, for the past two weeks. I've said goodbye to so many people recently, and each time it's been worse and worse: the Usydgroup gang about a month ago, Dad, Alice, Kitty and Nell soon after that (and that *hurt*, because you miss so much of children's lives if you're away for even six months), then the Canberra crowd (including E., whom I've known since kindergarten, and K., whom I've known since I was eight and she was six), then Raphael, about a week ago. Then there was the family farewell. When my grandparents left, I started sobbing. Then anya_1984 came over yesterday, and it was really painful to say goodbye. We've been through so much together. I remember her from the first day of high school, when, by default of our surnames, we were in the same contact group. As she said, "it seems so much more final with you, than it does with christmas_evey when she goes". christmas_evey has a wandering soul. I do not, hence the finality.

Then Mimi went off to work and I felt like I wasn't going to be able to cope. Mimi. We've been best friends since I was six and she was two. (Before that, I resented her as all older sibling resent the interlopers.) We're at once incredibly different and incredibly similar. What I'll miss most is having someone around who'll get all my references, who shares my sense of humour completely.

I suspect I'm going to be even worse when I say goodbye to Mum at the airport.

My eyes are open: I know this is an incredibly opportunity, a great adventure, and something necessary for the health of my soul. But that doesn't mean that I can't feel miserable and terrified about it at the same time. I'm wading through the Rubicon, and I'll let you know when I've made it to the other side.