Marnie

Oct. 6th, 2011 10:53 pm
dolorosa_12: (Default)
[personal profile] dolorosa_12
(Please note, 'Marnie' is what all the grandchildren call my grandmother. We call our grandfather 'Tony'.)


38 days until someone hugs me.
*
The new students have arrived. They roam around the Altstadt wearing cardboard hats, demanding gifts. Some bizarre Heidelberg ritual? I have nothing to give them.

Marnie has cancer.

*
When, in Pagan's Scribe, Lord Roland dies, Pagan screams and pulls his hair out. Over the years, I've thought about who, for me, would evoke that level of emotion. My mother. My sisters. M. [livejournal.com profile] thelxiepia. [livejournal.com profile] lucubratae. Tony. Marnie.

Marnie has cancer, and if the news next week is bad, I will be screaming and tearing my hair.

*
Alex made a playlist, and it's all about losing love and hope, and all I will ever associate it with is Marnie having cancer.

*
Yesterday I cleaned and scrubbed my room until it was raw, until is was as clean as the new Earth.

*
I love [livejournal.com profile] thelxiepia, and Moa, and Marie, and Miriam, and my mother so much that my heart and skull feel as if they are cracking.

*
Two things I feel, with the force of a thunderclap and a gunshot:
I am a Phillips, and because of that, I am surrounded by a love that is as strong as stone;
I am alive, with every fibre of my being I am alive and alive and alive.

*
Marnie has cancer, and I love her. And it is always, always, always too soon.
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