'Sticks and stones have made me smarter': The 2012 meme

[dolorosa_12]

1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?
Move into a house with my boyfriend, and only my boyfriend. Take kickboxing classes. Go to a whole bunch of places that I will discuss in later questions.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't do resolutions any more, but I do try to think of a few positive things I'd like to focus on each year. I don't think I did a really good job of it in 2012, but I will try harder next year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A lot of people I know in both Australia and the UK had, or are about to have, babies. It seems to be that stage of our lives.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Matthias' grandmother died. Although I only knew her for a few months, she was a big part of his and his sister's lives when they were growing up, and I feel so privileged to have met her, and to have been able to speak to her in her own language.

5. What countries did you visit?
I was living in Germany until August, so I spent a lot of time travelling around there (visiting Matthias' family, a trip to Berlin, a conference in Marburg, along with my ordinary life in Heidelberg). I went back and forth to the UK, including a trip to North Wales for a wedding. I visited Finland for a conference (and flew back via every Scandinavian airport ever), and the US for the same reason. And I'm currently on holiday in Australia with my family.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
A visa that will allow me to stay in the UK after my student visa is no longer valid. A permanent job. Calm and stillness.

7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
3 September. That was the day that Matthias and I moved our stuff from one side of Cambridge to the other, and then sat, slowly grinning, as we realised that we were in OUR OWN HOUSE. (Well, we don't own it, but it's us on our own and it is bliss.)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I had some pretty successful conference this year, in particular the one in Helsinki and the one in Harvard, and I'm very proud of that. I'm also very proud of my teaching - my students had to fill in evaluation forms, and they specifically singled out my lectures as being very good. I also think I made great strides in improving my physical health, which had good repercussions for my mental health.

9. What was your biggest failure?
My mental health was really bad this year. My depression came back with a vengeance and didn't really go away until I moved back to Cambridge. I found life in Germany very hard, and it opened up the door to some really unpleasant stuff that I'm usually able to keep quite well buried and under control.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Well, the depression, along with the usual colds and nosebleeds.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Plane tickets back to Cambridge, and my gym membership.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Various sraffies around the world who took the time to see me when I was visiting - Alex in Helsinki, roman_dreamer and her husband N in Harvard, lucubrate in Sydney. My Australian friends for the same reason. My international community of Celticists, especially T, who let me sleep on her couch in Harvard, and D, who looked after me in Heidelberg. My mother, for generosity of a material kind. thelxiepia for patience and generosity of spirit. Matthias, for the same, and for everything.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
My own.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent and plane tickets.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Every time I went back to Cambridge or Matthias came to visit me. My trips to Helsinki and Harvard. My trip back to Australia. Moving into our own place.

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
Absolutely and without a doubt, 'Tomorrow' by Niki & The Dove, for reasons of thematic and lyrical relevance. But in terms of just being songs I listened to a lot, 'Crave You' by Flight Facilities (Adventure Club dubstep remix), 'I Belong In Your Arms' by Chairlift and 'The Mother We Share' by Chvrches.


17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Happier, now. But on average, sadder.
ii. thinner or fatter? Finally thinner.
iii. richer or poorer? Richer because our current rent situation is very cheap.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Exercising and generally being out of my room.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Depression.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
I was back in Sydney for Christmas. Matthias and I went to the usual Phillips family gathering, which this year was at my aunt Shauna's flat. We ate oysters provided by my cousin's husband, and turkey, salad and roast vegetables, with trifle for dessert. Christmas with my family is the same every year, and it is comforting and gentle like a warm blanket.

22. Did you fall in love in 2012?
I fell more in love. And I fell in love with a city.

23. Did your heart break in 2012?
No.

24. What was your favourite TV program?
I enjoyed Pretty Little Liars the most, although it was not new to me. I was most disappointed with The Legend of Korra, and I'd say my favourite new show was Scandal.

25. Where were you when 2012 began?
At my friend D's flat in Heidelberg.

26. Who were you with?
Matthias, D and her husband C.

27. Where will you be when 2012 ends?
On the roof of my mum's apartment building, watching the fireworks.

28. Who will you be with when 2012 ends?
Matthias and various friends and family members.

29. What was the best book you read?
The Lions of Al-Rassan by Guy Gavriel Kay.

30. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Niki & The Dove, Kate Bush, St Vincent.

31. What did you want and get?
A place of my own with Matthias.

32. What did you want and not get?
A less uncertain future.

33. What was your favourite film of this year?
A three-way tie between Martha Marcy May Marlene, Avengers and Brave.

34. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was in Melbourne during the morning with my dad's family. I went to my sister Nell's preschool graduation. Then the whole family went out to lunch and I had a huge tearful fight with my dad. Then Matthias and I flew to Sydney and had dinner at home with Mum. It was a low-key and kind of upsetting birthday. I was 28.

35. How many different states/cities did you travel to in 2012?
In Germany I was in Baden-Württemberg, Nordrhein-Westfalen, Berlin and Hesse. In the UK I was in Cambridge, London and Bangor, as well as a few side-trips to Peterborough and Nottinghamshire. In the US I was in Boston, and in Finland I was in Helsinki, while in Australia I've been in Victoria and New South Wales.

36. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
Flat shoes, bright skirts, tight t shirts.

37. What kept you sane?
Matthias, thelxiepia and the knowledge that I was loved.

38. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Ben Whishaw and Romola Garai. :)

39. What political issue stirred you the most?
Like last year, misogyny and rape culture.

40. How many concerts did you see in 2012?
I saw Amy Macdonald and Robyn, both with Matthias.

41. Did you have a favourite concert in 2012?
Robyn was EPIC.

42. Who was the best new person you met?
I met a couple of new sraffies this year, roman_dreamer and N, along with a huge bunch of people at conferences. Everyone has been wonderful.

43. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
To be honest, not really.

44. What was your most embarrassing moment of 2012?
I'm not easily embarrassed.

45. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.
History means different things to different people. It hurts to realise that your memories are only your own, and that other people remember the past quite differently, but until you learn this, you will never be able to sustain friendships that last. You have to let people have their history.

46. What are your plans for 2013?
Finish my PhD, and get some kind of job that will enable me to stay in the UK. Be healthy and stable.

47. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
'Sticks and stones have made me smarter
It's words that cut me under my armour' - 'Paris is Burning', St Vincent.

'A part of me own these grounds but they're no longer mine
I have to find a way home
And you, you were all that I got, you kept me hanging on
I have to make it on my own now [...]
I'm ready to learn what it takes to burn
I'm gonna let you show me what it means to breathe fire' - 'Tomorrow', Niki & The Dove.