Beyond Selidor

I'm so, so sick of the idea that happy, stable relationships are boring. Strangly enough, there are ways to create progress and change in married (or otherwise long-term and stable) relationships that don't break the couple up or kill one half off. It's just that writers don't seem to know how to do so.

I never watched Lois and Clark, but I've seen enough shows with a similar premise, and I don't think I've ever seen a version where it's done well. It always just seems so disrespectful to the person who's having secrets kept from them — surely if you loved someone, you need to be open with them, and given in those kinds of canons the villains always target the superhero's love interest, telling said love interest about their secret identity will help keep them safer, because at least they'll know what they're up against! (And I know from real-life situations where spies hid their identities from their families it messed the families up immensely when they finally learnt the extent of the deception.) That's one reason why, although it's a flawed show, I will always be grateful to the Buffy writers for not hiding Buffy's secret identity from her friends and family — they were safer knowing about the supernatural goings-on so that they could fight with the right tools.

I've never actually thought of Surprise War as a trope, and in fact Atonement is the only story I can remember where this is a plot point, but if you've encountered it enough it must be a regular thing, just not in the kind of stories I read/watch.