Beyond Selidor

Moving to a new place for grad school was hard, but I was lucky that I fell in with a group of people who basically forced me to go out (that's when I really experienced what university student life was like, but with some disposable income!).

This was the same for me too! My undergraduate years were really awful, because it was basically four bitter years of realising that my childhood and teenage friendships had been entirely context-dependent, and not knowing how to adjust and make friends in the new university context. (I moved city with my family and went to university there, while almost every friend from my home town remained there and studied there for univeristy.)

But then when I emigrated for postgraduate studies I was forced into a situation where I knew no one, had no family to fall back on, and had the great fortune to end up in a really friendly, sociable department where most of the other students shared my worldview, interests, and generally socialised in ways that I liked. Most of my non-internet friends are people I met during that time, and they're wonderful.

But the bottom line is, I'm pretty okay by myself. Sure, there are times when I would wish there were more people in my life who I could talk to and who were physically closer and would just give me a damn hug, but it's not often or dire enough that I actually...do it. Besides, I'll be moving away (would have already, had the pandemic not interfered) so that whole process needs to start again one way or other and we'll see if that leads to a fresher start with more motivation. And now that I've found my way back to active fandom engagement, matters also are different. I do prefer the online community anyhow.

It sounds as if you're in a situation that works for you, and that's a good thing. But yes, I totally agree with you that making friends as an adult is really, really hard.