Downton Abbey, season 3; PhD, year 3

[dolorosa_12]

Can someone please explain why I should feel a shred of outrage that a patronising, paternalistic, privileged, cheating nobleman who was so financially incompetent that he lost all his wife's money on an idiotic investment is being forced to sell the family estate that gives back nothing to the wider community besides providing jobs for the people who serve his family?

Julian Fellowes clearly thinks I should feel that this is a grave, undeserved injustice.

Life goes on in its up and downy manner. Today I edited half of my PhD chapter. This went relatively smoothly, although for some reason, after lunch I felt a wave of anxiety so profound that I ended up sitting on the floor, crying and sort of rocking back and forth.

I managed to get a grip by going out for a long walk in the pouring rain. There are two paths that I could've taken along the route I chose: a bike path that is higher up, paved with asphalt, or a dirt track along the river, muddy and marshy. I chose the river track, despite not having any gumboots. There's something profoundly satisfying about trudging through the mud, being lashed by the wind and rain.

But my point is this: I'm not always in a position to go for a long walk when these waves of anxiety (or depression, or, occasionally, rage) hit. I'm thinking of tracking these things by noting my levels of depression, anxiety and rage every day, but it struck me that these things fluctuate, and I should try to keep track of what is bringing them on. People who have any experience with doing this, do you tend to note your levels of these emotions multiple times in the day, or only once a day?

Comments

[cereswunderkind.livejournal.com]

Don't worry about Downton. It's only a soap opera with an American-sized budget, made to sell cruises. I'm more concerned about the hash that Tom Stoppard made of the finale of Parade's End.

Can't help much with the anxiety, sorry. When I was severely pissed-off with working at a certain Cambridge-based aerospace and vehicle company I used to leave the office, go across the road, and sit in the park.

[angelofboox.livejournal.com]

Whenever it gets to what you consider bad, I think note it down. Then maybe you can start noticing when/how often? When I am generally overcome with anxiety it tends to happen once in the day (but lasts for different lengths of time, anywhere from 10 mins to 12 hours)... but not every day.

Have you tried Mindfulness? (like on the spot meditation style thing?) I suck at dealing with anxiety most of the time anyway so can't really help :(

[catpuccino.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry about the anxiety, it really sucks because in the moment, there's not much you can do.
I was tracking my emotions, but just once a day. I had a phone app that allowed me to do a once a day recording, and I found tracking on my phone was the only way I'd actually record it each day. If you are motivated enough to track more than once a day, that's probably more accurate I guess. But I also feel that it's good to have that once at the end of the day unwind, a little mindful hard think about how you were overall.

My psych also said to me that it would be good if I could release my anxiety and stress while having a shower, and then go over each little thought and label it as "work stress" or "life stress" or "boy stress" (simplifying it a little just to give examples). The rage she said I should try and use up with exercise!

I really think it's valuable for you to record your moods, regardless of how you do it, when you look back over the weeks and months, seeing the changes makes you feel... well I think it puts the bad spots into perspective a little more, because you see that it's not ALWAYS bad. Which helped me. My mantra was "tomorrow is another day, and if I can just make it to tomorrow, then it's free of all the bad stuff from today" which is simplistic, but some days was the only thing that would get me to the next.

But also, sometimes you do just need to allow yourself to rage (safely and without sharp implements). Feel the roller coaster of emotions because... they're telling you SOMETHING.

And I hope now you're back in England, that you have more support and also can go and get some counselling perhaps.