Many happy returns

Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
My favourite birthday is, without doubt, my 21st, in 2005.

I don't do birthdays well. It's not that I don't want to get any older, but I always tend to feel melancholy and contemplative, rather than happy, on my birthdays. The passage of time has always been something with which I've struggled to cope, and birthdays tend to exacerbate that problem.

So, yeah, my 21st. I hadn't had a birthday party since I turned 19 (which had been a joint party with christmas_evey) and I wasn't really sure I wanted to have one. But it was the year of 21sts, when it seemed that there was a party every second weekend. (Actually, the 'year' of 21sts was more like two years, due to the fact that my year group at school was born in 1984 and 1985.) I felt like I should have a big 21st birthday party or I'd regret it later.

So I had everyone over to my flat. It wasn't a particularly sophisticated party: bottles of beer and alcopops in a bucket of ice in the bathroom, a couple of bottles of vodka and tequila with mixers, curries cooked by Mum and me, and a cake made by the patisserie where I worked. I had about 25 friends over.

I had had a pretty angsty year, culminating in a night down the south coast where I drunkenly cried about having no real friends (this in a holiday house filled with my friends). My tears had been brought on by catpuccino and angel_cc's 21st birthday speeches.

'No one will make speeches like that for me!' I wailed melodramatically.

So imagine my joy and surprise when anya_1984 and our friend D gave two really lovely speeches at my party!

It was a weird kind of night. Two of my friends got into an argument about anarchism. My Danish coworker, her boyfriend and I monopolised the CD player and inflicted bad awesome 90s eurodance on everyone else for the entire evening. We swung around on the Hills Hoist.

None of these things are particularly noteworthy or special. The reason why I love this birthday above all others is that I finally felt completely and perfectly happy and secure in my friendships. These were my people. They valued me and I loved them.

( The other days )

Many happy returns

Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
My favourite birthday is, without doubt, my 21st, in 2005.

I don't do birthdays well. It's not that I don't want to get any older, but I always tend to feel melancholy and contemplative, rather than happy, on my birthdays. The passage of time has always been something with which I've struggled to cope, and birthdays tend to exacerbate that problem.

So, yeah, my 21st. I hadn't had a birthday party since I turned 19 (which had been a joint party with christmas_evey) and I wasn't really sure I wanted to have one. But it was the year of 21sts, when it seemed that there was a party every second weekend. (Actually, the 'year' of 21sts was more like two years, due to the fact that my year group at school was born in 1984 and 1985.) I felt like I should have a big 21st birthday party or I'd regret it later.

So I had everyone over to my flat. It wasn't a particularly sophisticated party: bottles of beer and alcopops in a bucket of ice in the bathroom, a couple of bottles of vodka and tequila with mixers, curries cooked by Mum and me, and a cake made by the patisserie where I worked. I had about 25 friends over.

I had had a pretty angsty year, culminating in a night down the south coast where I drunkenly cried about having no real friends (this in a holiday house filled with my friends). My tears had been brought on by catpuccino and angel_cc's 21st birthday speeches.

'No one will make speeches like that for me!' I wailed melodramatically.

So imagine my joy and surprise when anya_1984 and our friend D gave two really lovely speeches at my party!

It was a weird kind of night. Two of my friends got into an argument about anarchism. My Danish coworker, her boyfriend and I monopolised the CD player and inflicted bad awesome 90s eurodance on everyone else for the entire evening. We swung around on the Hills Hoist.

None of these things are particularly noteworthy or special. The reason why I love this birthday above all others is that I finally felt completely and perfectly happy and secure in my friendships. These were my people. They valued me and I loved them.

( The other days )

Regret sets in

Day 19 – Something you regret
I've finally caught up! Woo!

It may be surprising to many of you, but I genuinely regret nothing. I worry and stress about anything and everything, but I do not regret a single thing in my life. I've done some terrible things in my time, and I've had terrible things done to me, but I work hard to feel no regrets.

This is not out of some mistaken 'life's too short to live with regrets' blase attitude. Nor is it due to the idea that it is silly to worry about things that I cannot change. As I said, I worry a lot.

Rather, it is because I am, and always have been utterly and completely at peace with myself. I believe everything that I've done, and everything that I've experienced is important and necessary in shaping me into the person I have become, and the person I will be. I like the person I am, and thus I regret nothing that has made me this way.

( The other days )

Regret sets in

Day 19 – Something you regret
I've finally caught up! Woo!

It may be surprising to many of you, but I genuinely regret nothing. I worry and stress about anything and everything, but I do not regret a single thing in my life. I've done some terrible things in my time, and I've had terrible things done to me, but I work hard to feel no regrets.

This is not out of some mistaken 'life's too short to live with regrets' blase attitude. Nor is it due to the idea that it is silly to worry about things that I cannot change. As I said, I worry a lot.

Rather, it is because I am, and always have been utterly and completely at peace with myself. I believe everything that I've done, and everything that I've experienced is important and necessary in shaping me into the person I have become, and the person I will be. I like the person I am, and thus I regret nothing that has made me this way.

( The other days )