Rant, part I
Oct. 12th, 2007 09:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dolorosa_12This will form the first part of a three-part rant. It's been something I think about from time to time, but it was brought back to my attention mainly by a conversation with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
soapyhermit So brace yourselves for Ronni's Rules For Parenting.
1. Talk to your children like they are adults.
I can't bear it when people talk in baby talk to children. How do they expect their children to learn how to speak properly if everyone speaks nonsense to them in a sing-song voice? All this leads to is the children having problems talking to adults. Children should be able to talk to adults, without finding it strange. If you talk to your children in a different manner to how you talk to everyone else, they'll think they're different to everyone else, and that what they have to say is of no interest to adults and vice versa.
2. Read books to your children.
It infuriates me to see children who are unable to sit still for five minutes. It causes me physical pain to see teenagers and adults who hate reading. The only way to love reading is to be shown the joys of books from a very young age. Parents *must* take the time to read to their children. Once you know how to read, you'll never be bored again in your life. You'll never have trouble sitting still. You'll never have trouble writing. And your world will be wider, more beautiful, peopled with people who teach you how to be human. Reading is as necessary as breathing.
3. Be consistent.
You can't tell your children that junk food is bad for them and then have chocolate hidden in the back of the cupboard. You can't forbid your children from watching TV and then spend your evenings vegging out on the couch. You must treat all your children equally. You mustn't say something to a person's face, and something different behind his or her back, if your children are watching. Most importantly, you cannot (and I swear I've seen this happen) smack your son for hitting his sister.
4. Stick to your principles, but be prepared to comfort your child in the face of problems caused by putting these principles into practice.
This is connected to 3. I will have to illustrate with an example from my own childhood. When I was a child, my mother thought that most TV was pure evil. My sister and I were not allowed to watch commercial TV. I never saw this as any kind of deprivation, but, for example, it has meant that I've never seen The Simpsons in my own home. I missed out on all those weekend cartoons. When people say 'Smurfs', it means nothing to me. But, like I said, I couldn't care less. Instead of coming home and watching TV, my sister and I climbed trees, danced to The Little Mermaid soundtrack, read, wrote stories, drew pictures, and invented the most amazing and intricate imaginary worlds, the memory of which remains with me to this day. I was lucky, because I didn't see myself as having missed out on anything, but one day, when I was 19, I told one of my friends about this. I was telling him in pride, and his reaction was 'But your mother was depriving you of participation in your own culture.' I simply couldn't articulate to him how much it meant to me, that I *was* deprived of my culture. But if I'd been a less strong person, and the no TV rule had bothered me, my mother would have had to deal with it. It's easy as a parent to have principles, but if it's your kids who have to live them, you must be strong enough to help them, especially if your principles set them at odds with the majority of society.
5. Enjoy spending time with your children.
When I hear parents say things like, 'I can't wait til my kids go to school, then I can have some peace and quiet,' I want to smack them in the face. If you don't want to spend time with your children, don't have any.
6. Know what's going on at your children's school.
If you don't know your children's teachers' names, if you don't know what subjects your children study, if you don't know what homework and assignments they have you are showing your children that you don't care about their school work. I remember once when I was about 14, I was over at my friend's house, and we were talking about our parents' respective attitudes to homework. She seemed to think that my mother's approach (to know exactly what I was doing, and make sure I did it) would not teach me responsibility, and it was better for parents to take a hands off approach. I vehemently disagreed then, and I vehemently disagree now. If you don't know what your children are doing at school, you are showing them that what they do in school doesn't matter. If you find out how your kids are going only on parent-teacher nights, you are showing them you only care about grades, not about the whole process that allows them to get such grades. Ultimately, children learn responsibility gradually - but one thing's for sure, they won't learn responsibility if you treat their school work, and what goes on for 7 hours of 5 days of every week, like it doesn't matter.
7. Corporal punishment is the depth of cowardice.
All it teaches children is that bigger people can hurt smaller people and it's all right. If the only way you can show your children that their behaviour is inappropriate is to physically or emotionally hurt them, YOU HAVE FAILED AS A PARENT. NO EXCUSES. NO JUSTIFICATION. IT IS NEVER ALL RIGHT.
Here endeth the first rant.
soapyhermit So brace yourselves for Ronni's Rules For Parenting.1. Talk to your children like they are adults.
I can't bear it when people talk in baby talk to children. How do they expect their children to learn how to speak properly if everyone speaks nonsense to them in a sing-song voice? All this leads to is the children having problems talking to adults. Children should be able to talk to adults, without finding it strange. If you talk to your children in a different manner to how you talk to everyone else, they'll think they're different to everyone else, and that what they have to say is of no interest to adults and vice versa.
2. Read books to your children.
It infuriates me to see children who are unable to sit still for five minutes. It causes me physical pain to see teenagers and adults who hate reading. The only way to love reading is to be shown the joys of books from a very young age. Parents *must* take the time to read to their children. Once you know how to read, you'll never be bored again in your life. You'll never have trouble sitting still. You'll never have trouble writing. And your world will be wider, more beautiful, peopled with people who teach you how to be human. Reading is as necessary as breathing.
3. Be consistent.
You can't tell your children that junk food is bad for them and then have chocolate hidden in the back of the cupboard. You can't forbid your children from watching TV and then spend your evenings vegging out on the couch. You must treat all your children equally. You mustn't say something to a person's face, and something different behind his or her back, if your children are watching. Most importantly, you cannot (and I swear I've seen this happen) smack your son for hitting his sister.
4. Stick to your principles, but be prepared to comfort your child in the face of problems caused by putting these principles into practice.
This is connected to 3. I will have to illustrate with an example from my own childhood. When I was a child, my mother thought that most TV was pure evil. My sister and I were not allowed to watch commercial TV. I never saw this as any kind of deprivation, but, for example, it has meant that I've never seen The Simpsons in my own home. I missed out on all those weekend cartoons. When people say 'Smurfs', it means nothing to me. But, like I said, I couldn't care less. Instead of coming home and watching TV, my sister and I climbed trees, danced to The Little Mermaid soundtrack, read, wrote stories, drew pictures, and invented the most amazing and intricate imaginary worlds, the memory of which remains with me to this day. I was lucky, because I didn't see myself as having missed out on anything, but one day, when I was 19, I told one of my friends about this. I was telling him in pride, and his reaction was 'But your mother was depriving you of participation in your own culture.' I simply couldn't articulate to him how much it meant to me, that I *was* deprived of my culture. But if I'd been a less strong person, and the no TV rule had bothered me, my mother would have had to deal with it. It's easy as a parent to have principles, but if it's your kids who have to live them, you must be strong enough to help them, especially if your principles set them at odds with the majority of society.
5. Enjoy spending time with your children.
When I hear parents say things like, 'I can't wait til my kids go to school, then I can have some peace and quiet,' I want to smack them in the face. If you don't want to spend time with your children, don't have any.
6. Know what's going on at your children's school.
If you don't know your children's teachers' names, if you don't know what subjects your children study, if you don't know what homework and assignments they have you are showing your children that you don't care about their school work. I remember once when I was about 14, I was over at my friend's house, and we were talking about our parents' respective attitudes to homework. She seemed to think that my mother's approach (to know exactly what I was doing, and make sure I did it) would not teach me responsibility, and it was better for parents to take a hands off approach. I vehemently disagreed then, and I vehemently disagree now. If you don't know what your children are doing at school, you are showing them that what they do in school doesn't matter. If you find out how your kids are going only on parent-teacher nights, you are showing them you only care about grades, not about the whole process that allows them to get such grades. Ultimately, children learn responsibility gradually - but one thing's for sure, they won't learn responsibility if you treat their school work, and what goes on for 7 hours of 5 days of every week, like it doesn't matter.
7. Corporal punishment is the depth of cowardice.
All it teaches children is that bigger people can hurt smaller people and it's all right. If the only way you can show your children that their behaviour is inappropriate is to physically or emotionally hurt them, YOU HAVE FAILED AS A PARENT. NO EXCUSES. NO JUSTIFICATION. IT IS NEVER ALL RIGHT.
Here endeth the first rant.
