Friday open thread: advice to your younger self

[dolorosa_12]

I think I've finally managed to get on top of all the comments I've received on various posts (and I have to say, having so much activity on Dreamwidth that I'm on the verge of being overwhelmed by comments is a nice problem to have), just in time for this week's open thread.

Today's question comes from likeadeuce: give a piece of advice to your younger self.



It's a bit of a cliché, but I truly wish I'd been able to tell my younger self not to fixate so much on what people thought of her, or to at least have a sense of perspective about it. I wish I had been able to make myself understand that every single other teenager in my life at the time was as self-absorbed as I was, and that they were completely oblivious to all the things I felt they were noticing and judging me for. Sadly, I fear that teenage!me would not have believed this advice, and I'm sure I got it from the adults in my life at the time, and didn't believe them. It didn't help that as well as being very self-absorbed, I was a hyper vigilant and hyperaware teeanger who did observe the people around her (and definitely judged them), and just assumed everyone was the same.

So I wish I had been able to give myself that advice, but I'm dubious as to whether it would have been effective. Learning that for the most part people are too wrapped up in their own selves to notice all the things you're embarrassed and fearful about is just one of those lessons that you have to learn the hard way.

What are your answers?

Comments

[nyctanthes]

Advice to my college-age self:

1) Don't give up on writing fiction.

2) Keep up with the quantitative work.

3) Become fluent in Spanish.

If I had to sum it up as one piece of advice, it would be: hone the skills that will serve you well throughout life, in both the public and private senses of the word. :)

[falena]

Travel more before having kids.

It's nothing very deep, but it's all I can manage tonight.

[bruttimabuoni]

Oh... weirdly, my first thought was "You do, in fact, like men. Stop stressing."

Which is a very un-2020, un-ally thought to have. But I wasted so much of the late 80s/90s, homophobic/Section 28-ish years wondering why I didn't respond to boys the way my friends do. (The answer is: they were immature assholes, like I thought. I like grown ups.)

I guess the version of it I'd prefer to have thought is "You do in fact like men and women, and both those things are okay. But know that you're really picky, and stop stressing about wny you don't pinball between crushes like other people do. The spectrum of healthy, normal, positive and happy is so much broader than you know yet." Let's pretend it came out that way first time.

Oh, and: get a real summer job when you're 16. I know you have a handy in with your mum's firm for summer cash but that's not a real job. Do the boring hard customer service stuff when it doesn't matter; it will prepare you so much better for the rest of your life.

[lirazel]

It didn't help that as well as being very self-absorbed, I was a hyper vigilant and hyperaware teeanger who did observe the people around her (and definitely judged them), and just assumed everyone was the same.

Goodness, that is truly relatable.

[trepkos]

Don't stop doing science just because you have it in your head that you are artistic as a result of horoscope bullshit you read when you were 10.

If someone bigger than you collides with you in football, don't try to stay on your feet. (I could have avoided a snapped ACL.)

Demand more from your doctor, and complain more about your health problems, or you won't get taken seriously enough.

Take more photos of people you make friends with when you are on holiday.

[likeadeuce]

To my significantly younger self: you're not an introvert or a loner, you have anxiety. Get some counseling, get tested for ADHD, realize that making friends and being a friend is a skill and that listening and being kind are more important than being right all the time.

To my 12 years ago self: go ahead and volunteer for Obama, you will meet great people and discover a lot of stuff that you are good at. (Yesterday was my 4 year anniversary of the first time I volunteered for Clinton/Kaine and all of the reasons that I had given myself for not doing the same thing 8 years ago turned out to be nonsense!)