I see the sun is coming down to greet you

[dolorosa_12]

This has been a rather bad brain weekend, for three reasons. First, because I'm an immigrant, I have a trauma response to paperwork, and although this iteration is fairly straightforward (renewing my Australian passport), my mind immediately started spiralling and catastrophising, which it will unfortunately continue to do until the new passport is in my hands. Second, Matthias had to go quite suddenly to Germany, and I hate being alone in the house at night. And finally, I made the somewhat unfortunate decision to binge-watch the first two seasons of The Bear in their entirety for the first time — an absolutely excellent show, but it's basically Untreated Anxiety: The Miniseries (I immediately and inevitably had a nightmare about working in a dysfunctional high end restaurant).

My solution to all this has been to keep busy with what I'd term 'maintenance' of various kinds.

I went swimming on Friday afternoon, to my two hours of classes at the gym yesterday, and back to the pool again first thing this morning, where the lane was blissfully empty and pierced with spears of sunlight. I did long yoga classes every day, including one this afternoon that made me almost fall asleep on my bedroom floor. I dusted every wall, ceiling, and hard surface in the house. I washed all the windows on both sides. I got overexcited when it was cool and cloudy on Saturday, and batch-cooked a bunch of stuff that's far too wintry for the current weather. I made rocket pesto, pickles, and pickled chili. I cleaned my fountain pens. I did lots of laundry, and hung it outdoors, swaying gently in the breeze. I lay in the bath and reread Callie's Castle (Ruth Park), a sweet little children's story about a preteen girl's need for physical and mental private spaces of her own, at that point in life when the whole world seems intrusive.

In general, it's working fairly well to still the sea inside.

When none of that works, I resort to the big guns: Her86m2, a cottagecore content creator living in rural Germany who makes voiceover-free cosy little videos of her daily life. It's all obviously a very curated portrait of her life, as these things tend to be, but it's my version of soothing balm for the mind, there are hundreds of videos, and it does the job.

I'll finish off this post with a couple of links. I'm not sure how many people here on Dreamwidth bought clothes from eShakti, but it's worth noting that the company appears to be in serious trouble, while still taking orders and money and refusing to fulfil them.

Finally, via various people, a friending meme:



Picture by Jess Bailey on Unsplash

Do you get that end-of-summer, back-to-school feeling as an adult? Looking forward to a fresh start, perhaps with some more DW friends? silviarambles is hosting a friending meme!

Back to School Friendzy - 2024

Comments

[wearing_tearing]

I looove voiceover-free videos! They work so well to calm my thoughts down. My favorites are cupsandthoughts and liberphilia <3

[dolorosa_12]

They're so soothing, aren't they? The pair that you linked to look so nourishing and cosy!

[nerakrose]

thank you for the eshakti heads up, I wasn't aware. I've ordered from them in the past and generally been very happy with the clothes (I still wear the first dresses I ordered from them, way back in 2017, regularly!), and I was vaguely considering placing a new order since it's been so long since I last ordered from them (2 years I think). I'm now very glad I didn't! yikes. also it's a shame it's gone this way because I had the impression they were doing good work.

[dolorosa_12]

No worries. I'd ordered from them in the past, but felt uncomfortable enough about it not to do it again after the one time — it just felt like the whole thing (handmade, well-fitted, customisable dresses at very affordable prices) was too good to be true, and that someone was cutting corners or being exploited somewhere. They were very popular with a lot of people, and it's a shame that things ended as they did.

[senmut]

May the days and nights smooth out from here.

[dolorosa_12]

Thank you!

[topaz119]

My cousin who’s supported his acting career as a high-end waiter literally can’t watch The Bear for the flashbacks it gives him, so you’re definitely not alone. Also, thank you for the cottagecore creator; I could use a little of that in my day-to-day

[dolorosa_12]

My impression is that it is incredibly accurate and true-to-life when it comes to the experience of working in a high end restaurant (probably due to the fact that so many people in Hollywood support their careers in exactly the way your cousin has done, so have first-hand experience of that side of the hospitality industry). I can imagine it would be tough to watch if it reflected your experiences like that. (One of my sisters, who spent much of her adult life working as a media and policy advisor to politicians, cannot watch The Thick of It for similar reasons.)

I'm glad you like the cottagecore videos — they're incredibly soothing.

[jesse_the_k]

Oh! Thanks for the insight re: Hollywood creators' direct experience with high-anxiety food contexts. The Bear is simultaneously fascinating and horrifying.

May your brain be smooth and calm soon.

[dolorosa_12]

Yes, it's definitely a fairly common way for people working in film or TV to supplement their income.

May your brain be smooth and calm soon.

Thank you!

[misbegotten]

Untreated Anxiety: The Miniseries

So very accurate. I keep returning to it, watching a bunch and thinking "This is great! Why did I take such a long break?" and then I remember.

[dolorosa_12]

I know, right? I found the whole experience like looking in a mirror, and seeing an extreme cautionary tale reflected back to me. It's too close.

Really, really good — one of the few pieces of prestige TV that genuinely does live up to the hype — but so difficult to watch.

[merit]

Hopefully the situation in Germany calms down soon & Matthias can return <3

I had purchased from eShakti several years ago & had no issues though I had read about the recent troubles a few months ago. Seems they have not improved!

[dolorosa_12]

He's literally just landed now, so hopefully he'll be back home in a couple of hours.

I bought one batch of dresses from eShakti years ago, but haven't done so recently, and now won't do so again. It's a shame — they were incredibly popular.

[lilysea]

I loved seasons 1 and 2 of The Bear

but I started watching Season 3 and noped out very early on in the first episode because it was making me too anxious

I plan to come back to it eventually

[dolorosa_12]

I just finished season 2 last night, and haven't started the third one yet, but I have heard of similar experiences to your own. Let's see how I manage.

[jesse_the_k]

I learned some things from season 3, but I feel like the show could have stopped right at the end of season 2 and it was as resolved as it needed to be.

[lirazel]

an absolutely excellent show, but it's basically Untreated Anxiety: The Miniseries

This is why I haven't been able to watch it (yet?). And also why I've never watched Fleabag. I know they're both excellent, I'm sure I'd love them, but I don't think I'm able to deal with that level of Mental Stuff in a fictional setting.

Good for you for funneling all that anxiety into useful stuff!

but it's my version of soothing balm for the mind, there are hundreds of videos, and it does the job.

So glad you've found something that works for you!

[dolorosa_12]

Oh yes, Fleabag was another one I just couldn't watch — I watched the first episode, and set it aside. That one was even closer to home.

It's like looking in a mirror, and seeing an extreme cautionary tale reflected back. I did manage to watch two seasons of The Bear (and will probably continue with the third), but I found it harrowing.

[svgurl]

*hugs* I'm sorry about the bad brain weekend. Sounds like you got a lot done! Hopefully you get your passport sooner than later.

Thanks for sharing the friending meme! :D

[dolorosa_12]

Thank you! I'm feeling a lot better now, although with lingering worries.

You're welcome re: the friending meme.