I am trying very hard not to swear right now

[dolorosa_12]

Seriously, I'm finding it quite difficult, when faced with such idiots. Some of the comments make me despair for humanity. Now, every time I've said anything about corporal punishment of children, someone on my f-list weighs in and disagrees with me, but when people say that they have 'only hit [their] children when they deserve it' or that children need to be 'programmed' before they turn 12, it makes me sick to the stomach. Far worse are the nutters who think that 'fuzzy, liberal' parenting causes delinquency. On the contrary, parental neglect must have a far worse effect. My parents have never hit me or my sister (and I know that my father has never hit either of my half-sisters either), but that doesn't mean that we were left to fend for ourselves in a moral wasteland. Those morons who think that because my parents - bigger, stronger, in a more powerful position than I - didn't smack me when I was a child that I've somehow missed out on some key lessons on morality and correct conduct? I'd argue that they're far more morally bankrupt than I.

Please don't weigh in with the 'but you were a well-behaved child' argument. I've heard it before, and I think it's ridiculous. Sure, no two children are the same, but ultimately all (no matter what their personality and temperament) will benefit much more from a rational explanation of why doing whatever 'bad' thing is a bad idea than from a sharp slap. We are not Pavlov's dogs. Odd as it may seem, we don't actually need pain to teach us right from wrong.

Comments

[soapyhermit.livejournal.com]

Honey, if ever you need to present someone with the truth about the good ol' days I suggest you supply them with a copy of Geoffrey Pearson's "Hooligan" which tracks back all the way through British history and shows step by step that youths have ALWAYS been delinquent little bastards with no respect for their elders. Or at least, people of each generation have always said that. Corporal punishment came and went, and it changed jack shit, because it's in our human nature to be delinquent little bastards, and it's in our nature that we will forget that we were delinquent little bastards when we were children, and so to claim that this generation's little bastards are delinquent where we were not.

It's called historical amnesia - and it's awfully common.

[cereswunderkind.livejournal.com]

"If you strike a child, take care that you strike it in anger, even at the risk of maiming it for life. A blow in cold blood neither can nor should be forgiven."

-- Bernard Shaw

You can see where he's coming from, can't you? I'd make just one other point and that is that it's a useful life-lesson that it is possible to drive even perfectly reasonable and loving people to violence...

[silver-pegasus.livejournal.com]

Right there with ya Dolorosa. I DO NOT agree with violence as a punishment at all. Let's start with the stats first. I can't give you an exact percentage as it's been a little while since I studied child protection, but people who smack there children are more likely to accidentally go too far and physically abuse their children in a more extreme way when frustrated or angry, than those that never use physical discipline.
The reasons why it's pointless. It teaches nothing. It has no relation to the specific problem you're trying to correct. For example a suitable punishment for throwing a toy on the floor is to take said toy away. It has a relationship with what actually occurred. Where is the relationship between throwing a toy on the floor and being hit? Children can't really make the connections in their mind and don't understand.It may seem like they can, but it's a very abstract concept and abstract thinking is not something that has developmentally occurred yet (not to be confused with faulty logic which may seem abstract but is actually just totally logical to them). Smacking children also teaches them violence is ok. "If Mummy or Daddy hit, why can't I?". You don't even need to go so far as saying it shows them to use violence to solve problems (which of course it does). The simple statement of "it's ok to use violence period" is applicable.
And finally talking to your children, telling them what they need to do and WHY is what will teach them to do something different next time. Telling them what to do not what not to do is what will teach them.

Also if your looking for an alternative to a reward and punishment model check out Louise Porter. She's excellent!

*climbs down off soap box* I could rant on this forever. Can you tell I work with children? :P