The weight of it weighs me down

[dolorosa_12]

I'm having a hard time taking my mind off the truly dreadful, horrific violence that men have done to women and that is currently making headlines in my two home countries. (For those who haven't been following me long on Dreamwidth, I'm an Australian immigrant living in the UK, so the two home countries are the UK and Australia.)



I do not have the energy to dredge up links for all of this. Trust me that everything I mention here has been documented by reputable journalists — although obviously my own interpretation of these events is subjective.

In Australia:

A young woman who worked as a staffer for a minister in the federal government went public with allegations that another staffer had raped her — in the minister's office, in Parliament House. She was pressured not to speak out about this or go to the police as it was during the 2019 federal election and the government was worried it would jeopardise its chances of reelection. When she finally did go public, her former minister described her as 'a lying cow'.

A woman's allegations that a current cabinet minister in the federal government had raped her in 1988 were made public in the media. Tragically, the woman committed suicide last year, and although she did initially go to the police, they do not have any actionable evidence to pursue the case further. The minister in question is Christian Porter, the Attorney General (in other words, the highest legal officer in the land), who is at the time of writing still enjoying the support of the prime minister, and still remains in office. The woman's mental health history has been publicly dragged through the mud in the media, several prominent journalists are disgracing themselves defending Porter, and basically a woman who is no longer alive to defend herself is being called a liar. (Obviously it is impossible now to prove the veracity of these allegations, but I believe her. I believe her on the basis of what I know about Porter's character — these are not the first such allegations against him — on the basis of the friends of this woman, who include members of my extended family, who do not doubt her word, and on the basis of my own experiences.)

Basically Australian politics, journalism, and political commentary in general have been a cesspit of rape denialism, victim blaming and misery for the past few months.

In the UK:

A woman in London went missing. Police issued the usual tone-deaf advice to women to 'stay safe' when travelling at night. Several days later, the woman's body was found, and a man was arrested on charges of her murder. The man is a serving Met Police officer.

Last year, two other women were murdered, and members of the Met Police took selfies next to their dead bodies, and shared them in a group WhatsApp chat. None have suffered any consequences.

This week saw a veritable deluge of women in the UK sharing their experiences of harassment, violence and intimidation at the hands of men, myself included. This outpouring of pain, grief and solidarity was met with the usual defensive #notallmen response.

Last night, women across the UK tried to hold candlelit vigils in memory of the murdered woman, and in protest against male violence against women. In some cities this was allowed to go ahead, but in London, the main vigil in the area where the woman was abducted, the police refused permission, citing the pandemic as an excuse (even though masked, distanced outdoor protests have not led to any outbreaks in the past). In spite of this, a vigil went ahead — attended by, of all people, Kate Middleton.

Various random men tried to hijack the vigil for their own causes — anti-lockdown, anti-mask, anti-vaxxer Covid 'truthers', members of the Socialist Workers Party leafletting (they have their own problems with systemic sexual abuse), Piers Corbyn, 'free Assange' idiots. Transphobes were also out in force at the vigil and online, trying to hijack anger at cis male violence against women to fan the flames of hatred against trans women.

A mob of male police officers violently broke up the vigil, manhandling women, forcing some of them to the ground, and generally behaving in a horrific way — especially in light of the fact that the vigil was being held in memory of a woman allegedly murdered by a serving police officer. I watched all this unfold last night and found it extremely traumatic.

This morning the Met Police put out a statement that was essentially victim blaming, along the lines of the classic abuser logic: 'look what you made me do'.

This week, the UK government (which has an 80-seat majority in Parliament) is trying to push through a bill which will severely limit people's right to protest, essentially giving the police the power to determine whether a protest is 'disruptive' (including on grounds of being too noisy, disrupting businesses' ability to trade, etc). Labour had been planning to abstain but have now been pushed into voting against it in response to the police violence last night. However, even if all the opposition parties vote against it, the government have an 80-seat majority.

I have many friends with young toddler daughters, and they post a lot of photos of these wonderful little children, and the joy and delight and sheer freedom they take in the movement of their own bodies through outdoor open spaces is like a knife to my heart — because eventually the world takes that away from all women and girls. I just feel so angry and sad and broken by everything that's been done to me, to my sisters, to my friends and relatives, and to strangers — women I know, women in my home countries, and women all over the world, over and over again, forever. They care more about protecting statues than protecting us.

Comments

[superborb]

Do you mind if I link this on twitter? I found it succinct and to the point, summarizing something people might not have a full picture on. (Esp if they're from the US, as me and many of my friends are)

[dolorosa_12]

That's absolutely fine. I've just changed my settings so that only registered Dreamwidth accounts can comment, though, as things on Twitter have a tendency to spread very quickly, and I don't want to encourage loads of anonymous comments on my account.

[charlottenewtons]

A few months ago I watched a documentary series about the Yorkshire Ripper and one thing it discussed was how the advice from the police was basically that women should stay at home and avoid going out at night. Now in 2021 their advice is...women should stay at home and avoid going out at night. Depressing how nothing seems to change and it's always our fault.

[dolorosa_12]

Exactly so. It's just miserable how little things ahve changed.

[naye]

I'm so sorry this is happening, again and again, so blatantly and terribly and just. All of it is awful. *hugs*

[dolorosa_12]

It's just completely, overwhelmingly terrible.

*hugs*

[corvidology]

I saw this recently on Twitter where the "Not all Men" tag has been on the uprise again:

Every woman knows it's not all men but we don't know which men. So we stay wary of all men. It's not rocket science.

I look at the women around me and know so many of them have had bad experiences.

[dolorosa_12]

Exactly so. Every time something like this happens, we have to have this same conversation. I'm sick of spending so much of my emotional energy coddling the feelings of men. We know it's not all of them — but I have to say that if a man's first reaction to women recounting all their terrible experiences is to rush to assure us that it's not all men, I tend to mistrust the man in question.

I remember talking about this with my sister thirteen years ago, and she said that she didn't know a single woman whose every sexual encounter had been consensual. Not one. Sadly, this seems accurate to me.

[corvidology]

I also mistrust men when that's their first response, just as I mistrust people in the US who respond to 'Black lives matter' with 'All lives matter.'

[dolorosa_12]

Absolutely, same here.

[worlds_of_smoke]

-offers all the hugs-

[dolorosa_12]

*hugs*

[trepkos]

The police aren't there to protect anyone except the wealthy.

[dolorosa_12]

Indeed. It's now emerged that at least one police officer responsible for guarding the dead body of the murdered woman sent some kind of offensive messages in a group WhatsApp chat with other police officers — offensive messages about the dead woman. The government's response to a woman's murder is to put more police on the streets, including plainclothes police in nightclubs and bars.

As a woman, this makes me feel less safe, not more.

[tamsin]

It's so infuriating.

[sarcasm] But hey, they'll try to find a lesson from 'being placed in this position'. Something great will come from that no doubt. [/sarcasm]

[dolorosa_12]

The whole thing makes me so weary, and so angry.

[chestnut_pod]

It's deeply, deeply awful, all of it, and I'm so sorry.

[dolorosa_12]

It's terrible — just terrible.