Beyond Selidor

I wrote this two days ago on my Wordpress reviewing blog, but I thought it was worth reposting here on Dreamwidth as well.

Twenty years ago (or nineteen years, nine months, and about twenty days ago, if you want to get really technical), I was a restless thirteen-year-old, stuck inside during a rainy week on holiday down the south coast of New South Wales. It was the week between Christmas and New Year's Eve, which meant that I was carting around a massive haul of books, given to me for both my birthday and Christmas. I had read all my new books -- all except one, whose cover put me off. My younger sister, fed up with me moping around the house complaining of 'nothing to read,' made the very sensible point that I hadn't read that book. 'I don't like books about animals,' I objected. She insisted. I am forever grateful that she did. Feeling resentful, I sat down to read Northern Lights (or, as my edition was called, The Golden Compass), the first in Philip Pullman's sweeping, expansive children's trilogy, His Dark Materials. I was hooked from the first page, inhaled the book in one sitting, and, once I'd finished it, opened it up at the beginning and reread it without pause. I reread the book four times over the course of that one-week holiday.

It's hard to describe what it felt like, to read that story as a thirteen-year-old. I was already a voracious reader, and I had already encountered many beloved stories, books I would reread incessantly, or borrow repeatedly from the local library. There were already books I felt fannish about, and whose characters I identified with and drew courage from. But this was different. It was like being seen for the first time. It was as if ideas, beliefs and fears I had long felt but was not yet able to articulate had been given voice and shape on the page. As a teenager, my many rereads of Northern Lights (and, after impatient waits of one year and three years, respectively, for its follow-ups The Subtle Knife and The Amber Spyglass) helped guide both my reading tastes, and my burgeoning sense of political awareness. My love of the series got me a paid newspaper reviewing gig at the age of sixteen, and I continued to freelance as a reviewer for various Australian broadsheets for ten years after that.

Ten years ago (or, if you want to get technical, ten years, nine months, and a couple of days ago), I was in a bad place. I had returned to my hometown after graduating university, and although I had a good job and a lot of family support, I was desperately unhappy, and felt isolated and directionless. All my friends seemed to have adjusted to adult life in a way that I was incapable of, and I felt left behind. In a fit of desperation I — who mistrusted the internet and who barely went online except to check email — typed 'His Dark Materials fansite' into Google. I found something that saved me. 2007 was not a good year, but it was made infinitely more bearable by the incredible collection of people — most of whom lived on the other side of the world — who hung out in the forums of that site. Most of them had been there for years, and were all talked out about His Dark Materials, so instead they analysed other books, shared music tips, or just vented about their daily lives. Although by their standards I was a latecomer, they welcomed me with open arms. For a long time, the only thing that got me through the day was the prospect of hanging out in the IRC chat room they'd set up — the international composition of this group of fans (plus the fact that most of them were students or otherwise kept odd hours) meant that someone was always around at all hours. This was my first foray into online fandom, and I made friends for life. Meeting the sraffies — as we called ourselves — was like coming home. Being with them was, like reading the books that had brought us all together, like being seen for the first time. I was able to relax and be myself and feel safe in a way that I hadn't really anywhere since becoming an adult. Ten years have passed since then, and the group of us have gone through so many things together. We've graduated from university, changed jobs and careers, had books and academic articles published, moved cities, emigrated, fallen in and out of love (in some cases, with each other), mourned deaths, and supported each other through whatever life threw at us. We travel specifically to meet up with each other, and if work, study, or holidays bring us by chance to each others' cities, we make a point to hang out. One of the friends I met through His Dark Materials was even a bridesmaid at my wedding.

I recently did a reread of the trilogy, wanting to refresh my memory before reading Pullman's much anticipated foray back into the world of His Dark Materials. I was anxious that it wouldn't affect me as it had when I was younger, that I would pick up on flaws, that its emotional notes would leave me unmoved. I shouldn't have worried. Reading Pullman's words again, returning to that world, was like falling into water. Like the best and most meaningful of stories, it gave me something different, as it had done with each reread, and reading it as a thirty-two-year-old woman was different to reading it as a thirteen-year-old girl, or when I was in my twenties. But, like Lyra relearning to read the alethiometer as an adult after losing the unconscious ease with which she read it as a child, it was a deeper, richer experience — not better, not worse, just different. In the years since I first opened Northern Lights and read those resonant first words, Lyra and her dæmon, I've finished high school. I've graduated three times from two different universities, with an Honours degree, MPhil, and doctorate. I've changed careers three times. I've emigrated, lived in two new countries, acquired a new citizenship, learnt two new languages (as well as many dead languages), presented at conferences, been published academically in two very different fields, fallen in love, had my heart broken, and fallen in love again. In those years, I found my home, and I found myself again. In other words, I've done exactly what His Dark Materials urges: live, as much as I can, feel, as much as I can bear, and learn, as much as I am able. On Thursday, I will collect my preordered copy of La Belle Sauvage, the first of Pullman's prequel trilogy that will return readers to the world of His Dark Materials. I will sit down and read it in a desperate, yearning rush. I wonder what the twenty years that follow will bring. I know that having read this new book — and those that follow — will help me cope with whatever those next years throw at me.

In honour of the first World Book Night, we at BridgeToTheStars.net are holding a DOUBLE GIVEAWAY.

For His Dark Materials fans
In the spirit of World Book Night, we’re requesting that you take this opportunity to read a book you might not otherwise read. So for sraffies, we’re giving away a World Book Night copy of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, by Mark Haddon.

For others
If you’ve not read His Dark Materials, BTTS would love to introduce you to it! We have a World Book Night copy of Northern Lights to give away.

World Book Night is here to promote reading and spread some literary love. If you win one of these books, please read it and then pass it on to somebody else so they too can be introduced to these two great works of fiction. Every World Book Night book has a unique ID number, so that it can be tracked via BookCrossing, so we hope to follow the books as they are passed from reader to reader.

This giveaway is open to everyone. To enter, simply send an e-mail to contest@bridgetothestars.net with the subject line “World Book Night Giveaway” and your name and the title of the book that you’d like in the e-mail. Good luck!

(Please note: one entry per person, the deadline for entries is 11:59pm GMT on the 12th of March)

[4:02pm] Raphael_: Now all you have left to do is accept it, Ronni - you're going to be a scholar for the rest of your life
[4:03pm] RonniDolorosa: Well, we can dream!
[4:03pm] Raphael_: And instead of being surrounded by cats at old age, it'll be your publications.
[4:03pm] Raphael_: :D
[4:03pm] RonniDolorosa: and cats
[4:03pm] Raphael_: Well, and cats.
[4:03pm] Raphael_: Vampire cats.
[4:03pm] RonniDolorosa: oooooh
[4:03pm] RonniDolorosa: I want a vampire cat so badly now.

Anyone know any good vampire pet stores?

When I was in college, one of my friends sat in the library one period, writing a poem out of snatches of overheard conversations. In the same spirit, I offer you 'Sraffie Whispers', #btts' answer to that venerable game.

'...and I told her to leave it.'
'Are these like lola's smoking monkeys, or different ones?'
'Yeah, it's mostly course based in a lot of places' :P
'yea, i was beating you before too.'
'you're not having strange warm winters like we are?'
'Is Swordy Turtle you or ralphie?'
'It's very small, though.'
'And we have no powers to change that, darn.'
"..... it's summer in texas"
'mrs johnston, the head of english made me eat my *crackers* in the
*rain* today'
:P 'we still use the landline for that sort of thing.'
'wanted different colours'
'that's the oddest thing........'
'it must be jersey speak :P
'moony timquotes himself, though :P'
'Gaah I was looking up something totally innocent on google images
and landed upon this http://www.allsitesaccess.com/3/main.htm?p=&...
...;id=snfusnfu''
"well it started out with me dating her best friend'
'i should have expected that'
'to warmly greet people when entering chat.'
'for spring break, a few friends and i are going backpacking by ourselves'
'My computer is fucking acting up'
'Why is it good the Callum wasn't here?'
'although I may see her when she is in edinburgh'
'That was just very lame.'
'i've done your letter now :)'
'It seems like all the main people on the forum are between about 19-24
now, though.'
'some are really funny'
'm00ny is b00ny in 1rc'
'Ele, i ahven't asked'
'thats not what i meant :-P'
'tests will show - but it's no fun, is it?'
'is the b-day thing coming back?'
'TimBot is teh win :]'
'that was so more than nineteen syllables, you know. you're breaking
the pattern! no!'
'had to jump on the bandwagon'
'ur legal in ur country tho Tomsy?'
'*bows to the urbandictionary*'
'oh say, speaking of storms and Australia...anyone seen The Last Wave?'
'Well Heather Jane, and then my last name'
'I tried to destroy work once, but i failed and was stricken to the ground'
'I once put an entire text message into the 'enter phone number' bit on
a mobile'
'She has both: so spoilt'
'no i don't have teh charger'
'it's been around since before ...time'
'That's their gift really. story telling.'
'Have you watched Se7en then?'
'tell me poepl : what age do i look?'
'someone's an assasin's creed fan?'
'most of my friends are...'
'that was from big daddy'

That's actually pretty coherent.